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Old 10-06-2007, 09:19 AM   #731
jediserenity82
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: Gainesvegas
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Quote:
Originally Posted by machievelli
Coruscant Entertainment Center


The Admiral's Daughter
Jedi Serenity

After KOTOR: Revan leaves her husband to watch over their child.

The piece is well done, the emotional byplay excellent. The ending with Revan calling actually hurt it, because there is no reason they could not have let the girl speak with her. At that age any contact would have been better than none.
Thanks for the review, and I'm sorry that you weren't too pleased with the ending. I had originally intended to make it a two parter, which would have explained why they didn't let their daughter speak to Revan, but it was one of the last fics I wrote before the nasty writer's block hit me. Regardless, thanks for taking the time to read it, and I'll keep your critique in mind in the event I do write again.

Last edited by Jae Onasi; 10-06-2007 at 02:58 PM. Reason: fixed quote tag
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