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Old 10-12-2007, 01:08 PM   #733
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When I ran out of specifics to review here at LF, I asked that anyone who might have been missed please let me know. Thanks to that, we have the following piece missed about four months ago during my problem-with-moving time.

Shadows of Hope
JediMaster 12

A year after Order 66:

Some word usage problems resist instead of resisted, lead instead of led. When you said the people were objective did you mean accepting or irritated by it.

The basics are good the story needs editing and polishing but who has avoided that comment from me?

Solovey: A Fable About Faith

Non Star Wars Russian Fable: How do you judge a person’s actions?

The story is good, Tys. The scansion for a child’s fairy tale or fable is perfect. Having worked on stage for several years as a storyteller at the Renaissance fair, I am only bothered that this was one I was not able to tell.


Crisis in Infinite Galaxies:

At the end of TSL: Alternate realities converge.

There were some problems, but all are editing and polishing ones.

The basis of the story is intriguing, and fun. Sort of like the ‘Five Doctor’s’ Episode of Doctor Who. Everyone connected by a single series of events, but different because of the alternate universes themselves.

Friendly Advice
Codename SailorV

Before meeting on Dantooine: Lena tries to help yet another girl.

The story is well done, the sadness of a woman betrayed back into poverty excellently portrayed. One of my picks of the week.

Lucky number Sevyn

Start of KOTOR: A dream segues into our story…

The primary negatives mentioned about this work have already been addressed. Remember to reread, edit, rewrite, and polish. Don’t let anyone stop you from doing it because as Onasilvslv said, you get better with practice. I could always tell you about my first attempt at writing at all… I shudder to think I did something that bad.

The Master and the Apprentice

Some word usage problems, repeated instead of repeating awoken instead of awakened. Forgetting to finish sentences (I'm A lot of girls are going to hate me for becoming Master Kavar's FIRST padawan.) and forgetting conversation breaks. But remember these are editing problems. I suffer from them all when the creative juices flow, especially with a keyboard that inserts an R almost every time I hit a T E or F. Slow down, read, reread, edit, rewrite, and polish.

The basics are interesting, showing another glimpse of the inner workings of the training. I have to agree that the bonding ceremony does look suspiciously like a wedding.

Misery Loves Company
Jae Onasi

After the Leviathan revelation: In vino et Veritas

Having been on one of these ‘the world hates me’ binges as both participant and princip0le, I have to applaud Jae’s take on the phenomenon. I thought it interesting that Canderous had a thing for her, but also that he had already buried one wife he deeply loved, and wasn’t sure he wanted to do that again. One of my picks of this week.

In Dealing With Rejection and Abandonment
Revans Pet Duck

During Interim Between KOTOR and TSL: Revan’s departure hurt more than Carth and Bastila…

What can I say that others have not? The piece flowed well, the angry seen between the lover and unrequited lover smoothly done. The collapse of the meet was done a bit quickly though I think it was because you were clearing the decks for action. The only think I can honestly say then is;

One of My picks of this week.

Galactic Basic

During trip from the Planet to Star Forge: Sometimes you have trouble saying the words.

This was one of the best-crafted stories I have seen in a long time. The angst of Juhani at being rejected, the pain of knowing someone else is getting what you have wanted, the desire for a shoulder to cry on, even the problems with translating what you want to say into another language. All well done. One of my picks of the week

For the Love of Food

During KOTOR: Be careful when HK is the cook…

The idea of HK cooking was amusing, and I anticipated not only his ‘tweaking’ but the main ingredient. But that didn’t mean I don’t like the piece.

Including the fact that being a little girl Mission might have a thing for cute animals everything else went as I expected. Carth and Bastila reacting exactly the same way was choice. A funny piece.

Someone made a comment regarding having a famous General being a vegetarian, but Himmler and Hitler were vegetarians, as was Sun Tzu according to what I have read.

The Shadows of the Rim, Interlude 1: Morning Will Come
Hyperion Rising

Two Years After TSL: There are times you need to relax, even if it means drinking and dancing on tables

The piece was well wrought, the basic situation a standard through fiction of the wait before the action begins. I like the comment that the Exile likes to dance, and just uses getting drunk as an excuse to do so choice. Like the drunk looking in a lamp store to see which lampshade he’ll wear. Using Mission as the Intelligence agent was a bit much, but by then I didn’t care.

One of my picks for this week.

Dark Hero - Chapter 1 - Awakening

Before KOTOR: What do you do with a mind dead person? Especially when they won’t stay in one place?

This one surprised me a lot. I’m sitting here thinking; Now how is this author going to handle the problem?

Then Revan goes for a walk.

One of my picks of the week, and I just wish the author would send me a copy of the completed work. I want to read it all and don’t have access to the net all the time.

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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