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Old 11-02-2007, 03:04 PM   #740
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,874
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
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Feast of Fright on Dantooine

After TSL: An ancient feast is revived.

The style is good if a bit bland. The basis of the story works without the usual me screaming no about how it has obvious connections to Earth.

While the symbolism is obvious, the method used; dressing up as what you fear is well done.


After TSL: What if Atton released that control of his?

Again it is excellent work. Having never been an overly demonstrative man, I am struck by what might happen if someone this controlled merely let go. The only problem I had was the ending.

Empress Padme

End of ROTS, Alternate Universe; What if Padme had lived?

There a problems with spacing, forgetting to leave space after periods, that kind of thing. An editing problem

The story was too short for a real evaluation, EP, let me know when it has been expanded, and I will review it again.

A Rose By Any Other Name, Part One

After Leviathan Revelation; Can Jolee Explain it better?

The style is good, the meter well timed. The story one all of us have gone through in the game, just seeing it from inside Carth’s head.

What I enjoyed is how it was centralized into ‘why can’t they see?’ more than why he might be wrong. Carth’s reservations make sense seen in this light, and even Jolee’s attempt to explain it pales in comparison. Worth being one of the picks for this week.

The Arms of a Child

Ten Years after KOTOR: Nothing matches the peace you find in a child’s arms…

The piece was subtly done. I had a suspicion who the main character was, and it didn’t surprise me. The interplay between a young woman trying to explain to a child why she is hurt is well done.

Another pick of the week.

Wedding Chaos

After TSL: Revan and Carth finally get married, though there are some crashers…

A few comments; the ‘head type-thing’ could have been ‘her ever present bandanna, but in pink’. Anyone who has played the game will recognize the reference. ‘Sadly, the tower of champagne glasses was smashed by two flying Dark Jedi, which Mandalore held responsible for.’ Should have read whom instead of which and without ‘for’. These as has been pointed out above are editing problems.

When you man a cannon, you do not get ‘in’ it. If it is vehicle mounted (Suggested by the comment that it was in the garage) you would be in the gunner’s seat.

The piece was funny; the saving of the cake I agree was choice. I’m just wish I had not missed the party.

Aftermath, Chapter One

After the Star Forge: An interesting beginning for the next adventure.

The only complaint I had was that the tale was a bit confused, as if there was a lot of subtle interplay, which I for one wasn’t smart enough to catch. But it was interesting enough to make me want to read more. Another pick of the week.

What Can We Blow Up First?

Alternate Universe Crossover of KOTOR and the Rogue Squadron books: The start of the adventure with a few additional characters tossed in…

Some editing problems but nothing that can’t be corrected by rereading but even professionals get that from me.

The basis surprised me, but after a while I got into it. The interplay of the people even from different generations was well done. There was the comment about ‘if the colonel isn’t happy, no one is’ and having served in the military, I understood and accepted it. If you write more, could you send me e-mail parts of it?

Another pick of the week.


TSL after saving Citadel Station: One final test for Revan…

Departing from canon, but great work. The interplay within the test was well done, the explanations of why she went through this specific test well done. Another pick of the week.

Endar Spire Part One

Before beginning of KOTOR: The stage is set…

Some problems with wording and cumbersome sentences, nothing editing can’t cure.

The basic story is good, bringing you into the scene without the abrupt beginning of the game itself. It explores the actions of the two main characters without stomping on the canon entirely.

The Unknown Regions, Chapter 1: The Exile's Recovery

TSL no Specifics except after Dantooine: Unknown memories plague the Exile

The story was a bit confusing for me, primarily because the provenance of when is not clear. The basics are good, and that is one of the most important parts of story writing.

{A Collapsing Republic}; {Revan's Story};
bRoKen gAze

Before the events in KOTOR: The main character deals with other people and her own sketchy memory.

The work is well done, the development of the main character workmanlike. Well worth the read. The last pick of the week but by no means least.

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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