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Old 01-11-2008, 11:35 AM   #762
machievelli
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
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11 Jan 2008

Coruscant Entertainment Center

Sandtrap
JediMaster12

KOTOR on Tatooine: Two unlikely allies learn to work together.

The basic style is good, the theme well portrayed.

Your Man Until the End
Uilleand

Before the last mission in TSL: Mandalore ponders on regret.

By weaving portions of both of the games Uilleand has given us an excellent glimpse into the heart of this warrior.

A pick of the week

kotorfanmedia

'Exile's Revenge' Prologue
DarthNemesis2

After TSL: The Exile speaks of his trial and decisions.


A couple of minor problems. Some improper word usage (It is ‘due’ not do.) and you forgot some quotation marks.

The basics of the story are well done, the scene well enough fleshed out that you get a very good idea of what is happening and why. For a first attempt it’s pretty good.

The Last Wait
Freesourceful

After KOTOR: Helena waits and reminisces.

Wow! This one reaches in and pulls the heartstrings. The style is well done, as if the world is seen through a heat haze. By the end you realize how much is put into this, even as a short piece.

First Pick of this week.



Trial of Two
Rainwood

Pre KOTOR: The Council judges Revan

The piece is very good, making you consider what led up to the erasure of Revan’s memories, and how those around him felt about that. Well worth the read.

Another pick of this week.


Change of Fates part one chapter 1
DarthJose480

A Timeline crossover from pre-ROTS to Pre Kotor: General Grievous on Dxun

The writing needs polishing, but it always does. One thing; It’s ‘He and Revan’, not ‘Revan and he’.

An interesting twist that sounds and looks interesting.

Destiny is crap
Revvie

After Leviathan incident: What if Revan mixed the two personalities?

The piece needs editing, but as anyone who has read my column for any length of time would know, no one escapes that comment.

As much as you defined this as AU, is it really? Even if the ‘new Revan’ formed by the revelation stayed either good or bad, there would be portions of that newer personality in the matrix. That thought alone, I feel puts it squarely within the canon.

A pick of the week.

Star Wars, Legacy of the Jedi, Part 1, Knights of the Old Republic 1: Journey of the Star Forge.
Revan Starwalker

You have a problem with run on sentences. Don’t worry, this is an editing and rereading problem I have as well.

The comment about Admiral Tarkin was confusing, did you mean trader (As in selling something) or traitor? Part of the confusion came from the line that followed it.

The piece has some intriguing ideas in it.

One technical detail, while the name ‘A wing’ might have recycled it would help to have a description beyond that name. As an example, any pilot knows the F22 was originally named the Lightning but the air force decided on Raptor instead. If you had said ‘Lightning’ here I would have had 5 different planes (One English One German one Japanese and two American) in my head at the same time.

Cries of the Suffering - 00 - Prologue
Revansadow

PreKOTOR alternate universe: The attempt to capture or kill Revan fail all around

You changed the name of the ship (Mizra to Dizra) several times. Is it perhaps a subtle dig at the reader that they are two different ships?

The basics are good, the split between Revan and Malak obvious but well considered and portrayed. Good work all around.

Gravity of Love
Madison Desdemona

KOTOR Aboard Star Forge: Bastila has one more thing to give up.

It’s fazed, not phased.

The style is good, the writing crisp and clean. The ending bothered me a bit but that didn’t stop it from being a good read.

A pick of the week.

Requitement
Revan Sama

Revan as an Apprentice: A bond formed.

The piece was good albeit confusing. The actions of Kreia seem to bridge between teacher mother and lover. Which is she supposed to be?

Damaged
Spud Head

Pre KOTOR: The battle of Malachor V claims it’s last victim.

I didn’t know what to say. SH fought the battle of Malachor V the same way I did but in a long drawn out tearing motion rather than an axe falling. It was like my ex would say, watching a train wreck. You can do nothing to stop it, you know the people will die, yet part of you can’t tear your eyes away from it.

A pick of the week, and I’ll tell you now, best of this week as well.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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