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Old 03-14-2008, 01:50 AM   #783
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Mandalorian Wars January contest: The events on Taris prior to and during the liberation.

The scenes need work, as does the dialogue. The problems were the scenes went by too fast. The dialogue is stilted especially in the first section. Considering the time constraints, not too bad. The basic idea is good.

Fire with Fire

Mandalorian Wars January contest set on Eres III: Revan considers what are acceptable losses.

Kid, you surprised me. This is is an interesting thought provoking piece. If I had voted, you would have gotten one.

Pick of the week.

Diego Varen

Mandalorian Wars January contest: The calm before the storm…

Others have already said what I would have, and I agree with them on all points. Both constructive, and comments. A very good entry.

Welcome back.

Bee Hoon

Mandalorian Wars January contest set after Malachor V: Revenge and regret

The piece is well done, and the primary negative I would have stated, the lack of POV, has already been addressed.

You’re allowed three votes at the Cantina, this gets one.

Healing the Enemy

Mandalorian Wars January contest no specific campaign given: A captured medic makes a choice.

The story shows ST’s usual style and workmanship, making it a joy to read. However the story itself doesn’t gel with me and the problem is technical.

First, giving your parole in war is serious business. You don’t promise then take back your word. I know the practice has fallen out of favor in the last century and a half, but an honorable people would expect you to keep that word. As for the bracelet, it makes sense instead of assigning guards.

Second, if you have a medic, even one combat trained, it would make more sense to leave him either at your camp or at least behind the lines. Under the accepted rules of war, a wounded man had no side. Putting him in a situation where he has to choose between killing his own and killing you would force it.

Still, you did tie for the victory, and I would have voted for this if I did.

The Art of War: Opposites Attract

Mandalorian Wars January contest set on Dxun: Two enemies must be allies if only for a time.

What can I say? The work was well done before I stuck my hand in, primarily giving JM12 technical advice. I can’t say I’d vote for it for the same reason I never vote for my own. This is at least in part (Technical and some beta) so I couldn’t vote for it.

Of course I never vote anyway (As the critic I don’t feel it’s proper)…

Urban Death

Set on Coruscant during the Alliance era: A typical day in the life of a cop… or so it would seem.

Some word usage problems, regimen not regiment. The basics are excellent, the building tension good. Keep it up.


Light Side Female Revan


KOTOR on Dantooine: Revan enters a new, yet familiar world.

Having read Joysweeper’s work I should never be amazed by how well the author does. There are no battles, all is introspection. Yet you get the feel of conflict, from her struggles against the Masters (Even if only questioning why) to viewing the lives and deaths of the animals around her.

You get the feeling from the character that finding the force is like putting on an old comfortable sweater, with all the joy you would have in finding that piece of clothing you thought long destroyed.

Like the other person that commented, I for one would wish for more.

Pick of the week.

The Trial of Bastila Shan

After KOTOR: The Senate holds a War Crimes Trial, opening statement by the Defense.

I agreed that this should have been a military or Jedi decision. But being a student of history, I know the way it should be is not always the way it is. Before WWII, War crimes were internal matters. Your general is accused of a crime and a court of inquiry, the accuser puts forward his evidence, the court deliberates, and if there is enough to try, they hold a court martial.

Nurnberg changed that. Suddenly War Crimes belonged not to those who had direct legal jurisdiction, but to the victors. Having read several books on the trials, I can tell you that it was a farce from the word go. The US had already approached the other Allies to convene those trials even though as Robert Jackson (A Supreme Court Justice and Prosecutor for the US) admitted, there was no precedent for such trials. The charges except for two were specious; A General, whose job it is to plan for a war and if it begins fight it to the best of his ability is a criminal if the enemy say it’s wrong?

Several times during those trials, the defense (At least of the military men) pointed out that the allies had done exactly the same thing and were admonished by both British and American judges at different times that ‘we are not on trial, you are‘.

The attitude of direct responsibility for officers and men below field rank (Major) was harped on, and the worst of that was that the only country that had such a view; that illegal orders need not be obeyed before 1944 were the defendants.

This is not a proper trial, it is a politically driven ploy. They can’t try the ones they want, so they settle for what they can catch. The defense merely has to prove that it is all cheap politics and it falls apart.

Pick of the Week.

Jedi Serenity

After KOTOR: Carth and Revan face the same problem from different angles.

The time when Revan leaves is a little covered subject, primarily because it is so amphorous. We only know she left and Canderous was the last to see her.

The piece gives an excellent view of the subject, the parting and the sorrow it caused all around. Very well done.

The Huntress (Chapter One: The Prey)
Revan’s Pet Duck

During TSL on Nar Shaddaa; Mira contemplates her life, and dreams of finding something new.

The story is well written, and flows relatively well. The subject matter is well done because I for one (As others commented) like the red headed vixen. Keep it up.

Keeping Promises

Originally posted Sept 8th, 2006. This is my original review:

Set prior to the return of the Exile to Malachor; Revan where ever she may be hears Carth’s gentle plea.

The scene is perfect, and you can feel the angst Revan and the Exile have, along with Carth’s loneliness. Very well done!

Reprise Pick of the Week

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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