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Old 03-28-2008, 10:50 AM   #788
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,874
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
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Coruscant Entertainment Center

Vremya ("Time")

After TSL: The Exile contemplates a bleak future

The word is tends not intends.

The piece is an excellent bit of introspection, laced with flashbacks. Very well done

Pick of the week.

Jedi on Nar Shaddaa
Astor Kaine

No specific era given: A pair of Jedi set out on an arrest.

The piece needs some polish. As I always say; write, reread, edit, repeat until smooth.

All in all a nice bit of work for a first time. Welcome to the forum


Dark Side Male Revan

A Den Of Hate Part 1
Lord Zeuss

KOTOR Enroute to Korriban: How hostility could be of help.

The piece started out choppy, but once the two Jedi begin interacting it begins to flow very well. The explanation of how he not only used the anger to create calm but also how he used the Force bond to speed his training was very well done.

Pick of the week.

Light Side Female Revan

An Unlikely Savior Ch.1 - The Endar Spire

KOTOR The Intro battle: A frantic run through the ship.

The style is workmanlike, the scenes well laid out, the dialogue refreshing. Keep it up.


Before TSL: Revans set into motion her plan to travel into the Unknown Regions

The style is good, the situation clearly defined. Worth reading.

Light Side Female Exile

Redemption? My ass.
Artwork by Fizzingwhizbee Written by Fongeil

TSL On Korriban: The Exile and Atton one last mission together

Like Who You Were, Who You Are By Master JuriJuice from last week, this one surprised me. Very well done.

Pick of the Week

Chapter One: Skewed Perceptions

Posted 20 Oct 2005 on the Lucasforums Coruscant Entertainment
The Criticís Two Cents and The Critic returns
Set in TSL: Twin exiles on Peragus at the start.

There are spelling problems (Warn instead of worn) but any problems are minor.
The idea of twin Jedi is fun because they arenít even close to the same. The girl is almost as strait-laced as Bastila as described in the intro, and the male reminds me of Han Solo from the original Star Wars movie. The dialogue between Lydia and Atton is a well done take off from the original script of the game, and the only line I would have changed would be when he commented that he had wanted to use a line, but didnít. I would have changed it to have him say he threw it away, and have her reply, ĎThatís a pity, some poor kid might pick it up and useĎ.

Reprise pick of the week.

KotOR III: Chapter 1 Of Exiles, Droids & Ghosts

Five year after TSL: The Exile continues her search for Revan

The scene is well done, the weariness of the main character well portrayed. You can picture the Exile on the ragged edge, barely holding herself together. Worth reading more than once to get the flavor just right.

Pick of the week.

Before She Wakes
Codename SailorV

Before TSL: The Exile faces someone bent on revenge.

The piece is well done, the scene set with excellent relief. The end of the battle is almost anticlimactic. Another reviewer said there should be a sequel. I agree.

Pick of the week.

Kaze no Furu Sora

TSL After Malachor V: The Exile tries to hold herself back from the others.

The piece has itís moments The worry not only over what she has become, but also how she could affect the others makes you want to read more.

The name, if you are curious translates loosely as The wind ruling the sky

Haunted One: Tears and Rain

TSL on Citadel Station after Malachor V: The Exile explains her decision to Atton and to herself.

The dialogue is excellent, though the speech was a bit confusing. The reasoning behind her decision is well thought out, and having to explain it to Atton gives us a glimpse into her mind.

Pick of the week.

And when it all becomes too much...
Darth Chibi

TSL after Dantooine: The Exile ponders what she will do next.

The piece is short. So short in fact that I was left feeling there should be more.

A well done vignette.

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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