Well, here's the thing. You have to have a minimum of 5200 posts, and/or time-in-forum of no less than 39 months. After that, your application gets sent to the central nominating committee, currently made up of tk102, Rogue Nine, El Sitherino, and me. At that point it gets tabled until the next biennial meeting.
However, it can be fast-tracked by sending me a lot of chocolate, money, or visits from the Chippendale's dancers.
. Once discussed, it is decided what task you then must do, including, but not limited to, keeping an ice sculpture frozen in Arizona in July, building a cheese statue from Romano cheese, or swimming the English Channel in November. After you successfully pass these tests, then your application is sent to the forum owners, where they cast incantations upon the papers to divine your true intent. If they like you, they might keep you. If not, you're banned forever. Applying for staff is not to be taken lightly here with that kind of risk.