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Old 04-18-2008, 02:49 AM   #796
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
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Current Game: Dungeonseige series
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Coruscant Entertainment Center

Teachings of a Mandalore

During KOTOR: A little advice about love from Canderous

The piece flows well, the scene interesting in that the advice is delivered with a beating.

Davik Kang's Going DOWN!!!

KOTOR on Taris: Sequel to The Big Swoop-id Race: The incident in Davik Kang’s abode with a twist…

Usually I get irritated when people when they link the game into the fiction directly, but the screaming to pause when the hero find a ‘hot’ Sith among the slaves was just too good. The main character is still too ridiculous for words, but that is what makes this little piece so much fun.

Odin Podarok, Pyat' Sudyeb: "One Gift, Five Destinies"

After TSL: Sequel to Svetlie ili Tyomnie? "Light or Dark?", Now where do we go?

In one sentence you have dialogue that sounds like both are speaking. If so, you forgot a conversation break.

The basics are good, the story flowing along well. More please.

You did it again. A shared pick of the week


KOTOR on the Star Forge: Told mainly in flashbacks, Revan explores fear.

The style is up to you usual standards, and well worth the read.

You explored (in a manner similar to the one I used in my KOTOR) the one thing that has consistently bugged me about the Jedi attitude. How can you deal with emotions without understanding and accepting them?

Pick of the Week


Light side Exile

Forced Bonds
Codename SAILORV

TSL after Korriban: The exile dreams of her last meeting with Revan and Malak.

An interesting perspective on why the Exile is able to begin her bonds with others. I did enjoy the way you made Malak more human, and the idea that Revan would have erased her memory fits in. Well done.

Pick of the week.

Prologue: Into the Dusk

Originally reviewed back in February of 2007. The original review is below.

After KOTOR: Revan leaves but not without regrets.
The story is nicely done, and the way it ends is really good. It doesn’t follow canon, since Revan had both HK and T3 with her when she left, along with the ship itself, but I wouldn’t have noticed it if someone hadn’t gifted me with a copy of TSL back in July for my Birthday.

Reprise pick of the week

Emptiness Part 1

After Malachor V: Revan makes her move, forcing the Exile to decide.

You used the wrong word sometimes. Bare (without covering) instead of bear(carry). This is an editing problem so it is no biggie.

The story was well done. The only thing that disturbed me, mainly in moving away from the basic game itself was why both the Exile and Bao-Dur would later consider themselves responsible when someone else caused the super-weapon to fire when it did.


Before the Jedi enter the Conflict: How did the Jedi get away without being noticed?

All of the editorial comments I can think of have been stated by others, so I will only say, reread, edit, rewrite polish until smooth.

That said, I don’t know what I expected, but what I got was choice. The pece is amusing, the logic of the young Knights as to why the masters needed to learn solid, and the outcome outrageous. Both the method for gaining permission (Having dealt with a hung over superior before, I know it would work) and the almost childish tone of the note were perfect.

Pick of the week.

Reverie of Darkness

TSL Enroute to Dxun: Atton shows his dark side with a twist…

As I have said before, the evil Atton stories so far have been few and far between, but this one surprised me with the ending. It was well done, and both parts while diametrically opposite, are worthy of attention.

Pick of the week.

Acid Etched

TSL After battle of Citadel Station: What is the Exile offering to Bao-Dur?

The piece was well done except for a few forgotten conversation breaks. This of course is an editing problem. Just remember to reread edit and rewrite, and this will be cured.

The story was excellent. Having the Exile come on to him is balanced perfectly by his unwillingness to accept the offer. Both characters are made more real and human by this vignette.

Pick of the Week

Drunk Actualities
Revan’s Pet Duck

TSL Trapped on Malachor V: A sequel to Drunk Realities. It is said misery loves. Never thought being drunk had the same problem…

The scene flowed well. The only problem I had was the timing of the event.

All in all a good funny read.

Feeling of Freedom

TSL on Nar Shaddaa: A sense of Freedom is something to be nurtured.

Anything negative has already been said, so there is no need to repeat it.

The scene flowed well, the argument happening in a free flow that was excellent.

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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