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Old 05-01-2008, 11:46 PM   #799
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
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Coruscant Entertainment Center

The Jedi, Reloaded

KOTOR During escape from Taris: Damn those cheat codes!

I wasn’t sure whether to groan or laugh when I saw it, Tys. Or is this insult to injury?
Still a riot.

P'yanitsa "Barfly"

Continuation of the Vremya series: Yet another person with a past.

A very interesting introduction. Like the others that have read the series to date, I am sure I can identify our new character, and will enjoy seeing more of the series.

[Episode II-III Fic] I, Vader

Scenes from both Episodes II and III: Told from Anakin’s viewpoint.

The scenes are laid out in an interesting style, with some unique view of what was occurring. I am more interested in seeing the rationalization of murdering the youngling myself.

You got a pick of the week for two, Tys. Those who know me will figure out which two, and why the other was not picked. The first one to tell us which one was not picked and why gets a Whatever Prize.

KotOR the untold story

Pre-KOTOR: Events from another perspective.

You forgot some words, such as ‘I’ve found the location (0f) something’ and used the incorrect words such as scanse and Something’s instead of some things. You also have a problem with run on sentences. None of these is a major problem. Just remember, reread, edit, rewrite, and polish until smooth.

The basic idea of the story is interesting enough to keep me going, and that is one of the most important parts of any fiction.

The Last Lesson
Darth Bender

No specific era given: The last meeting between a Sith Apprentice and his master.

You forgot some words, such as ‘I must admit though, (I) am surprised that you come to confront me face to face‘ and ’It is the nature (of) the Dark Side,’ and used the wrong words (It(’s) inevitable demise). This is an editing problem, so no worries.

The discussion was interesting but I had a problem with the end. In any situation where you are going to use something like poison gas, you would need to remember the antidote. After all, having both die is unnecessary.

The Great Dark War

Sometime in the future of the Star Wars Universe: A supership begins a reign of terror.

Problems with word usage such as liberally (With little restraint) instead of literally (Almost completely). This is an editing problem.

Technical note: If you are going to create a super technology, remember that some thing never really change. A ship 7200 kilometers long is greater that the diameter of the planet Earth, but would not have enough room aboard for a 32 billion man crew. Plus, the amount of energy required to move the vessel is greater than anything at present imagined. If you have figured out what this would be, let me know.

A Broken Mind

TSL beginning at Nar Shaddaa: The descent of a dark lord
There are editing problems, but nothing that a mere polish wouldn’t cure.

An interesting work in almost painful detail of the descent of a dark Exile. A perfect return for our prodigal son. Welcome back, kid.

Pick of the week

Knights of the Old Republic: Light and Shadow
Lord Spitfire

KOTOR From the Endar Spire to Star Forge:

The main problem I had was with terminology. As much as the game called it ‘sniping’ (The correct term not sniper) the correct term is ‘aimed fire’ compared to burst fire. When writing fiction you have to remember that your readers might not have played the games. There are ways to carry the same weight without using the terms in question. Look at the work of Stingersh, and Jae Onasi among others.


Light Side Female Exile

The Love Star
Aminta Jae

Three Years after TSL: The Exile reminisces, and sheds a tear for her lost love…

The piece is well written, the story a bit of legend that deserves it’s place. I enjoyed it immensely.

Pick of the week.

A Drunk Reunion
StarWars Chick

After TSL: Nothing like a drunken party…

There were word usage problems, nothing a mere edit will not cure.

The basis of the story was well done, the end a riot. Well done.

I Have a Good Feeling About This...

TSL on Dxun: Can Atton open up to the woman he loves?

You forgot a word (See the first sentence mentioning Dejarik) and had some cumbersome sentences a bit later. Nothing an edit wouldn’t cure.

That said the basics of the story are good the idea well portrayed. All in all excellent work

Pick of the week

No One is Beneath Redemption

TSL During the Korriban mission: A view into Kriea’s philosophy.

The work is dreary, but I enjoyed it because it reveals a good idea of what she consistently believed behind all that disparagement of the Light Side of the Force. A tour de Force

Pick of the Week.

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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