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Old 05-22-2008, 11:59 PM   #806
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
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Current Game: Dungeonseige series
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Coruscant Entertainment Center

A Matrix Online Fanfic: Mediation

Non Star Wars fiction set in the Matrix: Two rival groups fight to see who can control the human side of the Matrix.

Remember quotation marks. If the conversation is telepathic, using italics would be acceptable, but in normal conversation, it helps the reader focus.

The piece has it’s moments, but frankly was not my cup of tea.

The Dreamed Memory
Ferc Kast

Non SF: A dream segues into reality…

The biggest problem was the piece was too short, and ended without resolution. The dream did resolve it, but how much of real life would follow that path?

Short Funny Fics
Daft Adidas

Non SW fiction: A couple of off the wall vignettes.

Remember to check your spelling, and edit. The pieces were interesting in their own right.

Time Can't Stand Still Forever
Empress Padme

Non Star Wars set in Inuyasha: Love works in mysterious ways…

Remember to leave spaces after periods, and edit. You used a lot of improper words, your instead of you’re, to instead of too, that kind of thing. This is an editing problem, and I’ve done it so often people have gotten tired of digng me on it.

Never gotten into Inuyaha, but it does all right. Keep it up.

Taryn's Interdiction

Non SW Fiction set in Star Trek Hidden Frontiers: An old friend is asked to undertake an important mission.

The piece is up to JM12’s normal standards. For those who are into the Star Trek Universe. It flows well.

Two Sides of Heaven

Non Star Wars Fantasy: Flight from a demon leads to rescue.

Long time no see, FFWM. Some of your best work so far.

Pick of the Week.


Prologue: Malachor

TSL after battle of the Trayus Core: Make you choice without regret.

This is a short piece, just the dying words of one of the combatants. But it is an excellent vignette worth a second look.

Pick of the Week

Treasure the Moment
Darth Narciss

TSL in the Traya Academy: The final confrontation between the Disciple and Atton with a unique twist.

Read this at the start, I thought, Ho-hum, Mical and Atton yet again.

Boy was I wrong.

When the fight started, I was instantly caught up, and read it in a flurry. Excellent work.

Pick of the Week.

Over the Edge
Paranoid Gerbil

TSL At the Traya Core: Creatng the perfect assassin has it’s downside.

Like the story above, this surprised me. The plot shifted enough that what I expected to happen didn’t occur, and I like it when the author surprises me in that way. Very well done.

Pick of the Week

Love and Good-byes
Jae Onasi

TSL After the Traya Core: As Kavar dies, the two women that loved him most confront their feelings.

Another surprising viewpoint. Having Kavar survive the slaughter of the masters is well done, and the goodbyes were well done. Others have already critiqued redundant phrases, and the one paragraph that does appear to have been tacked on, but all in all an excellent read.

Pick of the Week

Final Message
Sebastian DeLaOsa

TSL After the events of Dantooine: A last message sparks feelings of regret.

It’s my week for stories that surprise me. This one did because every time you see Vrook in the games, he’s, not to be too polite, an irritation. The nicest thing I could say about him was even as a good guy I was happy he died.

But not this time.

To see that irritating man as a gentle person was surprising, and to see that his apprentice felt the regrets when he died made me reconsider him.

Pick of the Week.

past, present and future
Darth Jedi Master

TSL At the Traya Academy: Sion remembers and hates.

You forgot some words (‘That was all he could of now’ needs a verb to make it a complete sentence). Not a big problem. When I get into the flow I forget whole sentences. So it just needed editing.

The piece does flow well, and in my opinion is just the right length, not something I usually say about shorter pieces. Well done.

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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