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Old 06-20-2008, 01:39 AM   #813
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
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Current Game: Dungeonseige series
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Coruscant Entertainment Center

Nasha Doroga ili Shosse (Our Way or the Highway)

After TSL, Part 8 in the "Vremya" series, maybe it was heat prostration. Or maybe not…

The piece fits in with the of the story so far. The only negative is that wages are garnished, not garnered.

Pazaak, Juma juice, and a Lucky Gizka

No specific era given: Sometimes luck is where you find it.

The game itself was a bit contrived, with the Gizka picking just the right cards. But having it get drunk was choice. Cute.

Archivarius (The Archivist)

After TSL, Part 9 of the "Vremya" series: Another old favorite joins the crew.

This is flowing well. Jolee comes off just as irascible as before, and the addition of him to the crew will make it more interesting.

Smyert' Shpionam (Death to Spies)

After TSL, This is Part 10 of the "Vremya" series: Jolee reveals his mission, which adds more complications.

The additional data here helps push the story along. This is flowing pretty good, Tys.

Another bulk Pick of the week.

A Growing Darkness

Dark Side end of KOTOR: With the Republic reeling, Revan begins recruiting starting with the sole survivor of the failed mission against the Star Forge.

The piece needs editing (Who has failed to have me say that?) but flows well.

The basic premise used in recruiting shies away from the stereotypical Dark side attitude in what to me is a logical manner. Not even the Nazis with notable exceptions were evil just because they could be.

Pick of the Week.

Death to a Planet
by DarthRevan243

Pre KOTOR: The attack on Telos and it’s aftermath.

You know, kid, everything negative I might have said in first reaction had been said by others. It is too short, and there’s a lot that could have been done with it. Remember to let the story flow, because like a river it will find it’s own way most of the time. Allow it that flow, only reining it in when the flow becomes too discordant.

A good first attempt. Now make me proud.

Knights of the Old Republic III: The Force Entirety

No specific era given:A girl helps a man being attacked, which will lead to more adventures.

Some word usage problems, peek instead of peak among others. The primary problem is first we have almost no character development. What does our main character look like? Beyond her disgust with her brother’s hormonal rushes, what does he look like? Unlike the average SW story, we don’t have an existing template. Everyone knows what Luke or Han looks like, so aging them either way is simple.

A good first attempt.

Dark Side Male Revan

Mass Consequences Chapter 1

PreKOTOR, A Human ship from our future ends up in the middle of the battle of Dxun.

The only real complaint I have was addressed The basic idea has problems, which I addressed back in October of 2006 at Lucasforums in The Expert’s forum post 117. However you have come up with a logical way for this to occur and explained one important point most of us have ignored which I address in the technical section below.

The basics are good, the story has some interesting twists, and is worth reading.

Technical: According to the EU, and this also extends to the Chronology, the capability to develop gravity sinks such as the Mass Shadow Generator didn’t exist until it was captured from an alien race faced by Admiral Thrawn right before the Clone War. But this story has a unique look that could explain how it could have existed then.

Light side Female Revan

A Walk of Redemption to Remember

One Month after the Star Forge Mission: On her wedding day Revan remembers the gift that Malak gave her as he died.

You forgot conversation breaks, and I see that you had the same problem with your autocorrect that I did (JedI). The problems as I see them are editing, nothing more.

The piece is a one shot, but it’s well worth reading. Keep it up.

Light side Female Exile

Rescue Me
Amber Penglass

TSL Aboard Ravager during attack on Telos then in the Traya Academy: An Atton/Female Exile Snippet,

The basics are good, the story well written. Having a game of one-gunmanship in saving each other was a bit of fun on it’s own.

Pick of the Week.

Mere Anarchy, Prologue

Sequel to The Widening Gyre which is a novella bridge between KOTOR and TSL and set one year after TSL: Revan allows herself to be captured to save Dustil’s life

I reviewed the Widening Gyre last year in February, and enjoyed it. This merely cemented that enjoyment.

Pick of the week.

The Awakening- Planet One- Peragus (Part One)
Darth Jedi Master

TSL on Peragus: The Exile awakens and meets Kreia.

The piece was well written, but too short. I agree with the only other person to comment; more.

Anamnesis Chapter 1

TSL Before departure from Malachor V: Revan is reunited with her ship, now past and present will collide.

An interesting work, melding the past and present to make a mosaic to portray what is occurring. It flows well.

Pick of the week.

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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