Danger May Befall
Between Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones: The Dark Lord of the Sith
and Gilbert and Sullivan?
The piece is a bit convoluted, but the last line set me giggling. A cute little bit of fluff.
Pick of the Week.
About a year before K1: Revan worries about the course of the war.
Some word usage problems. lied should be lie. An interesting piece needing just a bit of editing.
The biggest problem I had was that Revan is characterized in the game as a genius at strategy, yet makes such an elemental blunder?
Doctor Who: Happenstance
Dr. Who fic: The eleventh Doctor hijacks the ship of the 9th Doctor to rescue his companions.
The only negative I have that hasn’t been mentioned is that unless the reader is a fan, he doesn’t know one doctor from the other. Comments on wardrobe for example fall short when I don’t even know what the wardrobe should be. More description, please.
I have never been much of a fan of the series, but it’s good seeing you back.
After KOTOR: As the Galaxy tries to settle down after the Jedi Civil War, Bastila faces her trial before the Council.
The work is good, the basics well covered.
The way the trial is portrayed and explained comes across a little harsh though. Not a judgment made by fact, but by impressions of the judges. Adding the jury looks more like making it a show. After all, a group of students who have not had experience is not a jury of your peers by any stretch of the imagination.
One minor technical thing. There is no real ‘admiral in training level. You’re in training from the time you put on your butter-bar. What you do have before you reach captain is Staff and war colleges, then they pin on your first star.
But during war this is jumped more often than not. Sometimes you stuff the round peg in the round hole and hope for the best. If you read the Captains by WEB Griffith you have a captain shoved into a Lt Col’s spot, and he does it well. But after the main campaign is over, a bean counter wants to move him out of that slot into a secondary one because he hasn’t ‘punched all of his tickets’ on the way. Another example is Custer who went straight past Brigadier General to Major General due to just such an emergency.
All in all an interesting work. I’m waiting for more. Welcome back.
The Rise and Fall of Revan
PreKOTOR: Revan finds the Star Forge.
Forgotten words such as ‘pulled a (lever maybe?) on the control panel‘. Remember to spell check. You’re pushing the action causing the flow to break up. Take your time. All of these are editing problems, easily corrected.
The only real bobbles I had was having Karath with them and waiting until then to find the Star Forge. Revan left with a third of the fleet, and even a genius would want better odds than that when they start the ball rolling.
All in all, an adequate first attempt. Welcome to the board.
Set in Halo Universe: Yet another battle in that endless war.
You’re pushing the action. Slow the pace, be more descriptive.
The main problem is like others showing us yet another universe, you’re assuming we know it.
Light Side Female Revan
How She Left, Chapter One in The Truth About Lies
About a year after KOTOR: As Revan leaves for the Unknown Region, she struggles not only with that, but leaving the man she loves.
The work flows well, the dialogue generic but excellent. The introspection was well done, like a conversation. Having used the same style, I enjoy seeing it in others when done correctly.
Pick of the Week
Light Side Female Exile
During TSL before Nar Shaddaa: Sparring goes a long way.
This interested me because Malak is still alive and back on the light side. The characters both old and new are treated well, and the dialogue and actions fit them. Well worth a look.
Dancing for Vogga
TSL on Nar Shaddaa: A dance leads to the original dancer.
This piece surprised me. I’m not much on dance myself, since I can’t do it at all well. Yet I could visualize the dance and the thought behind it, I was a bit surprised that the Exile could read so much just from the force on the clothes because it isn’t mentioned often, but her reaction was perfect.
As for Atton, I did like the idea that he had a sensitive side.
Pick of the Week.
Pazaak in My Head
TSL on Onderon: An explanation of why Atton plays Pazaak in his head.
The piece is straightforward and explains without acrimony. Too short as far as I am concerned, but worth looking at.
Originally reviewed 20 July 2007. Original review below.
After TSL: Carth reminisces about his life with Revan.
Well done, worth every second reading it. Only eight people have given it thumbs up. Maybe they aren’t paying attention? Only bobble, I think you meant surrogate.
Reprise Pick of the Week.
Everything And Nothing: Chapter 1
Angel of Iego
TSL, Battle of Khoonda: Snippets of hell.
The scenes are cumbersome though the thoughts and introspection is good. The primary thing I think this needed is knowledge of what a battle might look like. I’d suggest reading John Ringo’s work March Up Country, specifically the Battle of Voitan at the end, and We Few, where they are attacking the Palace. Each has something in common. Desperate straits, and clear definition of the battle.