View Single Post
Old 07-04-2008, 03:53 AM   #835
Local curmudgeon
machievelli's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,874
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
10 year veteran!  Hot Topic Starter  Veteran Fan Fic Author  Helpful! 
Coruscant Entertainment Center

He Was My Second Chance

During the battle of the Star Forge: One last chance at redemption.

Tys has graced our pages and my picks of the week more than anyone I can think of right now.

This story can show you why.

I agree that the change from dark to light was a bit abrupt, but Tys has matured into a competent wordsmith worthy of our attention.

Pick of the week.

The Blackest of Angels

PreKOTOR: Revan plans on discovering the Star Forge at the expense of her love.

Some editing problems, you tended to forget words, but since I have been known to do that too, so just remember to edit next time.

The piece flows well, the argument fitting well with the situation.

Pick of the Week

I need some constructive criticism please

Non SW Fiction: The story begins

Boba Rhett with over five times my postings among others gave such excellent advice, I’m just going to say, remember to edit, let it flow, describe, describe, describe.

You have potential, you’re better than I was at your age. Allow your work to lead where it will.

An Easy Escape
Astor Kaine

After Attack of the Clones, No specific era given; Sometimes running away is the best option.

The writing is not too shabby, the scenes well laid out. The problem I had was technical.

Technical note: While the original light amplifying devices had problems with bloom; the technical term for amplifying too much light, a modern set will reduce ambient light so that it is sometimes a problem with illumination rounds but little else. But Stormtrooper armor with 25,000 years of development would probably be proof against tactical nuclear weapons. A flash bright enough to overload them would probably blind anyone without protection.

Welcome to the forum kid. Write more.

Lost Soldier

Non SW Fic: Something called him back, but what?

You forgot a question mark in the several paragraph. Improper word use (Shacking instead of shaking) be sure to edit because tung (As in oil) will sometimes go by when trying to spell tongue, and no spell checker in the world will tell you and is incorrect when you mean an.

On the whole the story is generic, but just needing polishing to bring out the subtle flavors. Keep it up.

Dream or Reality?
Rabish Bini

Post KOTOR: Is it a dream?

Except for the following, everything I’d normally say has been. Just remember, reread, edit, rewrite. Repeat until polished smooth.

kotorfanmedia Female Light Exile

Extended Ending

TSL before leaving Malachor V: Tough choice hurt. But they have to be made.

Some editing problems but nothing major.

The work is excellent. The biggest problem for the Jedi is that never ending choice, emotion or love. Well worth the read.

Pick of the Week.

Beauty, Bao, and the Beastly Droid
Emerald Exile

During TSL after Dxun: The Exile and Bao Dur plan robotcide…

An interesting bit of fluff. Too short to get a good grasp, but fun anyway. The one thing I loathe is sanctimonious characters, and killing them off makes it all worthwhile.

Fearless (The Prologue)

In orbit of Malachor V at the end of TSL: There is nothing to fear but fear itself.

The piece is short, but intriguing. It looks like it’s worth reading further.

Talk to Me
Evil Shall Giggle

TSL before Dantooine: How do you talk about what bothers you?

Based on a picture, the piece is short, but has some interesting points.

Alternate Parallels; Chapter 1

Alternate Universe TSL: Sometimes when you need a life someone will offer one…

Usually I get all irritated about using Earth because it violates canon. However this was a fun bit of fluff. The ending line caused me to chuckle.

Pick of the Week


During flight from the Death Star: Two new arrivals spice up the mix.

There were editing and spelling problems. Nothing that couldn’t be corrected.

The primary hang up I had was there was no explanation as to how or why.

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,