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Old 07-25-2008, 01:42 AM   #850
machievelli
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For anyone interested, the day this is supposed to be posted is my birthday. I will be 55 when I wake up tomorrow, and I am going to try to have some fun.

Coruscant Entertainment Center

The Transdimensional War
Arcesious

Sequel to The Great Dark War: A massive invasion rocks the dimension.

The basics are good if a bit hurried in the work. Remember to edit and reread.

Technical: The ship you had in the first work was huge but the enemy ships are beyond any suspension of disbelief. A Parsec is 3.26 light years (About forty trillion kilometers, yet you have ships listed as being mega parsecs in length, (a million parsecs). The command ship you so lovingly describe is a needle in comparison.

The smallest problem with these ships I see is that except for the galactic rim, even the smallest ship wouldn’t even be able to turn, let alone maneuver.

UNTITLED WORK IN PROGRESS
Tysyacha

Non SW Fiction: A girl tells her journal everything…

The piece flows well, the society lovingly detailed. The main character fits well within it.

I agree with Arcesious that a little action wouldn’t hurt, but there is something to be said for a nice quiet stroll.

Pick of the week.

Letter to a .... Friend?
Mr. BFA

After KOTOR on Korriban: A final letter.

The piece is short, so short in fact that I felt it wasn’t proper to judge it by itself, so…
What NOT to say or think.
And…
Here we go...

At first it was a bit confusing, but once I read the second part then third part I found myself giggling. The ‘unexpected’ comment reminded me of Lionell Fenn who had a character comment on the name ‘Bambi’ to a female character who spends the rest of the book demanding the reason her father gave her a boy’s name.

Pick of the Week

Tython Ties 2: Deathpact
Ztalker

On Nar Shaddaa No specific era though it looks like TSL: A fugitive flees the Sith

The piece is short, but the character is well defined in an almost chiaroscuro manner. Very well done so far.

The Noobaholics
Arcesious

Non-SW Set in Halo online game: A team gets together

The piece is cute, fluffy, the characters ridiculous. I liked it a lot.

Pick of the Week

kotorfanmedia

Dark Side Male Revan

Revan's Thoughts
Jedi Revan87

PreKOTOR Right before the capture of Revan: The Dark Lord ponders on an old flame.

There are problems but the other people who have commented before me have already told you what I would have said. Always remember to reread and edit your work. The work needs editing a polishing more than anything else.

Good work.


Light Side Female Exile

"Forgive Me"
Katara Ironarm

TSL After Victory on Malachor V: What price victory?

The piece is short, poignant, and cuts right to the quick. Well worth reading.

Pick of the Week.

A Box of Lies
Kiraboros

Over at KFM, Our little JM12 is known as Kiraboros. She posted the same story here and like any that didn’t get the nod, she comes up here. My previous review from Lucasforums is below:

TSL: The exile is upset with Atton being himself.

The piece was a bit confusing with it’s flashbacks, but it flowed well, and kept you reading so it works well.

Reprise Pick of the Week.

Impure Pazaak
Jedi Chick

TSL No specific planet given, but after Nar Shaddaa: A friendly card game becomes a comedy of errors.

The piece is light and fun. Some of the scenes were funny for other reasons. Atton’s underwear for example. The ending scene was perfect.

Pick of the Week

Surprises- New Allies, Chapter 1
Jedi Rowan

Back in August of 2007 I read this and forgot to post to the thread. So…

Set after TSL: The Characters of the KOTOR series meet the characters of Firefly and Serenity.

Some word usage that needs work. I think you meant plague instead of play for example. Or Titian rather than Titan red hair. You also left out some words. In the sentence right before the one mentioned above you left out the word other as in four other people.

The two series seem to be able to flow together well enough, and the way you have done so is interesting. Good work.

Reprise Pick of the Week.

The Exile and the Fool
Karapeters

TSL After climactic battle on Malachor V: The Exile finally decides.

The piece was a bit odd at the start, with no specific link as to what was occurring. When Bao Dur arrived however, it clicked into place. The ending scene was excellent, the last line perfect.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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