View Single Post
Old 08-01-2008, 01:24 AM   #855
Local curmudgeon
machievelli's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,874
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
10 year veteran!  Hot Topic Starter  Veteran Fan Fic Author  Helpful! 
Coruscant Entertainment Center

Vybory (Choices)

Post TSL: 12th chapter of the Vremya series. The situation becomes dire with future menace.

The shift in emphasis is intriguing. The story is flowing well, and by breaking it up like this pretty much guarantees I’ll read it all.

Pick of the week.

Zolushkina Dochka (Cinderella's Daughter)

Non SW fantasy: Happily ever after is not the end.

The piece was fun, but having Cinderella become the stuck up prig was a bit much. Still it was good.

The Sithidiom

Star Wars Prehistory: In the beginning…

The wording tends to be cumbersome, events happening too rapidly. Remember to reread and edit to polish.

Yuthura Ban Story

KOTOR Beginning on Korriban: Yuthura Ban leaves Korriban, dreaming of returning to the order.

A lot of people have already commented and their words echo what I would have said.

So I’ll concentrate on the one thing I always say…

Reread and edit, rewrite, repeat until smooth. And remember those conversation breaks.

A Matter of Death; a Wild West story
Dark Knight of Keno

Non SW Fiction: The stage is set for revenge

The basics are a bit good if bland. You forgot some punctuation, and the work needs polish. My primary disagreements are technical and historical.

First cattle wasn’t a major industry except for south of Missouri, so driving them to be delivered to New Orleans is roundabout. Kansas City (Both in Missouri and Kansas) was the usual ending point for a cattle drive since the transcontinental railroad ran through there. And before that the rail lines east of the Mississippi were already there to be used. I mentioned direction because most cattle was and still is shipped from Texas.

Second, after the War Between the States the South was not disarmed and demilitarized except for cannon. Several hundred thousand rifles issued to Confederate soldiers were still in use for the sole purpose of hunting. When Lee surrendered at Appomattox, Grant required the enemy soldiers to promise to never fight against the Union again, and allowed them their arms because at that time, hunting for the pot was a major part of the diet.

That means knowing where there was a cache of weapons would not be a major treasure.

The Crownless King

Non SW Fiction: An interesting conversation after the fact as it were…

I am never surprised by Sabretooth’s work. It is proficient, creating the landscape and background with a few brushstrokes and the foreground is clean and crisp against it.

Pick of the Week


Dark Side Male Revan

Jaina Solo

PreKOTOR: There are more way to break someone’s will.

The one thing I liked about this is the cogent arguments for the dark side compared to the Jedi way. It reminds me of the EU book Dark Rendevous where two different Sith, Dooku and Ventress voice their views and the young woman’s argument was more intelligent and thought out than the older man’s.


Pick of the Week

Light Side Female Revan

Everyone is strange...
Darth Mettiz

KOTOR no specific portion except that it is after Kashyyk: The world is different seen through someone else’s eyes.

This was a cute bit of fluff with a lot of gentle poking fun at the world seen through Zaalbar’s eyes. Others have commented and each had decent points.

Pick of the Week

Light Side Female Exile

Fever Dream - Chapter 1

PreTSL: The Exile exists rather than living.

The grinding misery of existence portrayed would make you wonder if anything in the characters life went well. I found myself feeling that maybe she needed some kind of slack.

Definition of Love
Darth Jedi Master

PreKOTOR: How they feel needs explanation, and Revan has the answer.

The biggest problems were the author’s notes, which distracted the reader. Try to cut back a bit, k?

The story itself was excellent because you can see the two sides of love in Malak and Mical’s reactions under the same circumstances. Like a lot of people I don’t like the Disciple and even went so far as to get the Handmaiden Mod to avoid adding him to the group. But here I actually felt sorry for him.

Pick of the Week

Accidental Oblivion

Posted 7 Sept 2007

After TSL: The patient wait continues...

The style is good, the story well done. My only complaint is that it is too short.

Reprise Pick of the Week

To Hell and Back, I Will Follow You, Prologue

PreTSL: Exile begins in the heart unfortunately

Only one other person has commented, and that is sad. The piece really needs only editing and polishing.

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,