Thread: [Fic] Triumvirate Wars
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Old 08-20-2008, 06:40 AM   #31
Rabish Bini
@Rabish Bini
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Join Date: Sep 2006
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Another nice chapter, and I liked Davrel's part, but there were some errors I noticed, like:
Originally Posted by TheExile View Post
“Lirissian, look at that rain cloud! It’s coming really quick.”
“Trask… I don’t think that’s a cloud.”
As the so called cloud approaches, it’s becoming more clear for Lirissian.
“That’s a huge group of… flying drexls… WE ARE UNDER ATTACK! Go for bunkers, they will bomb first, and then take high positions! We need to take them out!”
You should put in who says what after the line, so people don't get confused as to who's speaking, I noticed you did it a couple times.

Overrall, a nice chapter, good work

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