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Old 09-19-2008, 12:57 AM   #884
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machievelli's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,874
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
10 year veteran!  Hot Topic Starter  Veteran Fan Fic Author  Helpful! 
Coruscant Entertainment Center

Flame of the Guardian

Spanning millennia: The birth of a sword.

The piece is interesting, and while I agree that the symbolism is jarring, I like the way you carried it all the way through. The comment that it was fashioned for a warrior is redundant, since through time, swords were made for one thing, and even a presentation blade is designed to fight with at need. When given they either are for a warrior to use, or to represent the warrior within the person.

All in all a very good piece of work. Welcome back.

By Fate Alone

Pre PM: A young girl meets a Jedi, and receives an offer.

Everything I can say to correct you on this has already been said. JM12’s comment to spell check with the computer and manually was especially well done, since it will ignore words that are spelled correctly but improperly placed or used. As Sabretooth said, not bad for half an hour.

My main complaint is right out of PM though; when they were complaining about Anakin’s age (9) why would they blithely accept a girl two years older? Especially when Windu was one of the strongest negative votes.

High School Melodrama!!!

Non-SW fic: What are you willing to betray for acceptance?

Having been one of those kids on the outside in school I remember what the narrator is going through. My problem was I was too stubborn to do what she did so I spent my entire time there as the ‘weirdo’ who read all the time.

Pick of the week.

Second Rogue, Second Hour: An EverQuest Novel (Prologue)

Non-SW fiction set in EverQuest: Justice must be served…NOT

An interesting look at the legal system of a society. While it sounds good, any harsh justice system would cause such reactions. Very well portrayed.

Pick of the Week

Muchenie Revanino (Revan's Anguish)

Post TSL: Part 18 of the Vremya series, trapped with no way out.

The story is becoming more and more interesting. I am anxiously awaiting the next segment.

Pick of the Week

Into the Present

NonSW fiction: An introduction to two of the characters

There isn’t much to review yet. You do forget to manually edit. As mentioned above a spell checker ignores words spelled correctly (such as medal instead of metal). As I tell everyone, reread, edit, rewrite, repeat until smooth.

Welcome to the forum.


Codename SailorV

TSL Aboard The Ebon Hawk: At what point does fear enter your life?

An interesting view, and a god one. Equating fear with holding your breath, and fear with why the Jedi avoid entanglement. Well done, and while short well worth the read.

Pick of the Week

The Love Between a Master and Padawan

PreTSL to Dantooine: Spanning over a dozen years, we see the link between master and Jedi

The basics are good, the story as you admitted a bit cheesey but I can live with that. You never did explain how Kavar knew the Exile before meeting her, but again, I can live with that.

Lost People

TSL on Nar Shadaa: Contemplating life without hope.

An interesting piece mainly because of the concentration on the degradation around the characters. This is something usually ignored by the authors in Star Wars, and a refreshing change.

To Face Judgement

PreTSL: Judgment causes more than one parting

The piece is well done, but…

I’m sorry but I had to ask… War VETERINARIAN?

World without Sound
Katara Ironarm

TSL on Telos after Peragus: What is a world without sound?

The piece is a nice bit of fluff. Too short by a long shot, but well done anyway.

Love is Love... Prolog
Darth Zelda

TSL at Malachor V: After the battle, truth is revealed.

The story is good if a bit generic. Well portrayed.

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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