Thread: [Fic] A Soul Adrift
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Old 09-19-2008, 08:04 PM   #22
Endorenna
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Originally Posted by Bee Hoon View Post
Intriguing chapter! First off, I'm a little skeptical about the slavers using blasters--a dead Twi'lek is a wasted asset, so to speak.
Just hold yer horses.

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Originally Posted by Bee Hoon View Post
Sri'lo's flute-playing seems to improve with improbable speed! Despite her daily practice, she still had difficulty at the start of the lesson, and managed to play so much better within the space of one lesson?
Okay, here I'm basing the lesson off of my own piano troubles, past and present. I have this wierd problem that, chances are, is the fault of my own sloppiness. I can be playing a piece--say Across the Stars--and play it almost perfectly. Then, I can play it again, and totally botch it. Then, the next day I play it, and I still botch it. I play it a couple more times. By the end of that, I'm playing it beautifully again.

Talk about migraine!

I need to fix that scene.

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Originally Posted by Bee Hoon View Post
Besides that, why was Atan'il so reluctant to tell Sri'lo about the slavers? I'm also a little surprised that no one has mentioned them within that nine years:P
I figured that the whole slaver thing is kind of the community secret. The Council and the adults in the village decided that it wouldn't be a good idea to tell the children born in the village about the slavers. They didn't want them to think that some horrible men were going to come get them, and most of the adults figured that they were well-hidden enough that the slavers simply wouldn't be an issue in the future. I need to figure out a way to edit in a scene or some lines explaining that.

It seems that one of my biggest problems in writing is remembering that the writer is omniscient and the reader isn't. Sorry, that was totally my bad!

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Originally Posted by Bee Hoon View Post
The part about Taisan'kye sitting up all night at the table mystified me as well!
He was doing that 'daddy' thing, sitting up all night and trying to think of ways to save his daughter. I dunno, it's one of those mysterious 'guy things'.

Also, Atan'il was mad at him.

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Originally Posted by Bee Hoon View Post
And what would be faster--climbing up the cliff or running up the path? Since I'm not suicidal that way, I don't know
Well, Sri'lo's only broken her arm once on that stupid cliff! I picture the path as a footpath going up the side of the cliff in sort of a zagging Z. I'm thinking the cliff in The Two Towers. Sorry, I need to be better with my scenery descriptions.

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Originally Posted by Bee Hoon View Post
The descriptions are well done, with a good variety of sentence structures and word choice.
Thanks!

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Originally Posted by Bee Hoon View Post
Keep writing!
I intend to!

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Originally Posted by Bee Hoon View Post
P.S. Try not to double post. Use the edit button instead
Oops! Sorry, my bad again! I'll go fix that!


Chapter 12 of A Soul Adrift is out.

Short stories:
T'katlu: On the planet Felucia, a young apprentice of the Dark Side thinks back to the beginning of her training as she lies in wait for her prey...

All the Time: After four years in the Unknown Regions, the Exile returns to the known galaxy to visit an old enemy.

Broken: A master of the Dark Side finds himself about to lose the one thing he cares about--and he will do anything to stop her from endangering herself.
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