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Old 09-26-2008, 12:16 AM   #885
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,874
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
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And my dvd recorder is not working… Anyone interested in making discs of Clone Wars for me?

Coruscant Entertainment Center

Evil Transformation

Before PM: A young Jedi reaches a turning point in her life.

Some cumbersome sentences. As an example ‘The Jedi had a code, by which she was to always follow’ would have read better as ‘The Jedi had a code she was trained to always follow’. you also had a lot of problems with homonyms (strait as in tight, instead of straight as in direct.). These are editing problems easily corrected.

The basics are good though generic. Keep it up, let’s see where it goes.


Star Wars, no specific era given: Hunted by an enigmatic spectre, a man desperately tries to stay awake.

The story has a delicious shivery feel to it, making you wonder what will happen. The end is generic and expected.

Second Rogue, Second Hour: Chapter I

EverQuest: A self imposed exile finds a new life.

The story is a bit confused, Tsy, primarily because it is being pushed forward rather than led. Not too bad though.

Krein Ul'timatum (Kreia's Ultimatum)

Post TSL: Chapter 19 of Vremya; The spirit a Kreia gives her student one last choice. But can Tys accept it?

The story is flowing well, and the reasoning behind Kreia’s argument impeccable. Well done.

Pick of the Week

V Techenie Vsevo Tol'ko Vos'mi Let (For All of Eight Years Only)

Post TSL: End of Vremya series, Tys makes her decision.

The end was a little confusing for me, Tys, but it did nicely derail the problem. As for the questions, I’ll just have to wait…

Only two readers? What am I, chopped liver?

Star Wars: Lost Heaven

Approximately a year after TSL: Events on Manaan lead to interesting events on Coruscant.

The story has some interesting points but it does drag a bit.

Technical point: For someone born on a planet, it isn’t something to deal with, it’s natural. Having a Selkath deal with living on a water world is like one of us deciding that we only breath air in this specific mixture because it allows us to fit in.


To Love Again

Post TSL: Bao Dur fights against his feelings.

The piece went well, the introspection and self denial well portrayed. Haven’t seen your stuff in a while, and yes, it was worth the wait.

Pick of the Week

Turbo-lift Malfunction

Post TSL on Nar Shaddaa: Sometimes you need a little help from your friends.

An interesting piece that falls into the cracks, but amusing.

Death of a Jedi

TSL After Nar Shaddaa: What will the Exile do about a man who specialized in killing Jedi?

The piece is good because the subject matter is rarely explored. Anyone who has played the game knows Atton’s past. But how the Exile reacts to it is always a toss up. Does what Atton had done merit death?

Pick of the Week.

The Loss of Atton

TSL before Malachor V: Atton reveals how he feels, causing the Exile to react.

The biggest problems I had were questions about why. Why did the Exile marry in the middle of the mission? Why did she pick who she did? Why did she leave that man at the altar?

A Shadow And A Thought - Introitus (Part 1)

Two Years after TSL: A rescue mission brings back both crews together.

The piece has everything you need to start the new adventure; everyone getting together, a desperate mission, people dragged from normal life right down to sobering them up…


Pick of the Week

Same song, new verse

Some editorial complaints; forgetting ‘to’ in one sentence, cumbersome wording in some places. Both are editing problems, nothing major.

Beyond that watching the collapse was very moving.

Pick of the Week

I've Searched the Galaxy for You

Post TSL: The title says it all…

The work is well done, the hunt well portrayed, even the fear that it would be in vain well done.

Excellent work.

Pick of the Week

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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