Thread: [Fic] Survivour
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Old 10-03-2008, 05:16 AM   #10
Astor
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This is a good continuation, but again, there's some little grammar and spelling errors that have crept in. But that's aside from my other points:

Quote:
Originally Posted by knight12167
Just as I saw that sith {snipped}
Excuse me? Firstly, a Jedi wouldn't use a word like that to describe his opponents, and secondly, it distracts from the actual story by having him call her such an offensive name.

Also, Jedi aren't usually in the habit of calling their enemies 'scum' either.

Other than those two issues, it's pretty good. The homage to Queen Talia was a nice touch, which added a bit of flavour to the description.

Keep it up!







Last edited by Bee Hoon; 10-03-2008 at 06:26 AM.
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