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Old 10-04-2008, 04:12 PM   #893
LordOfTheFish
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Quote:
Before PM: A young Jedi reaches a turning point in her life.

Some cumbersome sentences. As an example ‘The Jedi had a code, by which she was to always follow’ would have read better as ‘The Jedi had a code she was trained to always follow’. you also had a lot of problems with homonyms (strait as in tight, instead of straight as in direct.). These are editing problems easily corrected.

The basics are good though generic. Keep it up, let’s see where it goes.
Thank you.

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