Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: hhhmmm....where do I live?...I cant remember!
In his quarters, on his bed, Celeb was still, lying quietly, barely breathing. It was a funny sight though, he was so tall, so "big", if you could all it that, that his legs draped off of the small bed and onto the desk at the foot of the bed, which was made for people and species of more average sizes than he himself was.
Celeb pondered the events that had played out recently. They had been sent out into small groups, Gherion and Ashalle in one, and Tawnos, Osay, and Celeb in the other, which seemed fitting actually, because the other two were less "physical" people, and the group he had been in, including himself, were more "physical". Although Celeb didn't look it, he was quite strong, and had been trained to be 'capable' throughout his young life.
"Oh well," Celeb muttered to himself, cycling over the events that occurred after their travels through the seedier parts of Retalia. And then, their was death. Indeed, he out of all the others had kept a more level head, this was not reason either; Celeb knew death, he'd seen it on 'cargo' transports, death by starvation, disease, suicide were the more common things he'd seen of death itself, murder less-so, but still, he'd seen it, heck, he wasn't all too ashamed to say he himself had killed in times past, but unlike other people, his killings were not out of self defense, or instinctive reaction to live, no he'd killed to survive, sometimes just to have one less person trying to get his food. We're talking years ago though, in his adolescent years, when he was getting shipped around like some piece of machinery, or an animal. That was why he'd been so calm, so collected, so very used to the lifeless corpses that were witnessed by four other young people, most, he was sure, were not used to it, although they portrayed more calm than he thought that they could stomach. Yet still, from what he did see of Gherion, and Ashalle's stomach contents, not all could could be so emotionally reserved.
Celeb then thought over the fact that four people, all, he was sure, were human, were talking to him, even asking for his opinion on matters! It was quite new to him, and he was uncertain whether these newfound 'friends' would develop anything of a relationship with him because of who he was, what he was, what he looked like, and what he'd done in the past, and what he was in the past. The whole situation was new to him, and would take him some time to get used to, and most importantly of all, take him time to see where everything, went from this point on, whether these new acquaintances would become more, and whether their devotion to the cause at hand, and himself would last, or be eroded by the stone-destroyer itself, time, of course.
'Friends,' Celeb pondered in silent thought. 'It's been so long since I've called anyone that, and it'll be awhile yet. I need to learn more of them, study whether they accept me or not, before I call anyone "friend", Celeb brooded, memories of his past flooding in, and then sinking away in moments as he closed his eyes, and shifted his feet, which were uncomfortable laying on the desk at the foot of his bed.
"We'll see," he muttered to himself, crossing his arms, his ears perking up at some unseen thing that he detected.
The door chimed, and after being permitted to enter Erussa stepped in, smiling as Celeb met his gaze. "Good evening, Celeb," he said. "I merely wished to thank you for your actions today, and perhaps discuss any questions you may have at this point."
Celeb closed his eyes once more, staying perfectly still, he uttered, "I didn't do anything....I committed no great actions. I watched an alleyway, I carried some girls, and I stayed quiet, like I have always been told to do. I did nothing special, as usual...." Celeb trailed off as he realized he was rambling to an almost complete stranger. "No questions," he finally iterated in a quiet, and somewhat embarrassed voice.
Erussa perched himself on the edge of the bed, a thoughtful expression on his face. "From what I've been told by Mr. Rashel, he instinctively attempted to garner your opinion on more than one occassion."
"What does my opinion matter? Mr. Rashel had Osay too, from what I gather, they have a steadier relationship then he and I do. Goodness, the guy barely knows me other than by appearance," Celeb stated hesitantly, his chin burying itself into his chest, his eyes still closed.
Erussa shook his head. "Despite his reluctance, Tawnos is undoubtedly a powerful leader. He instinctively knows of your inner uncertainties, no matter how hard you may try to hide them. He feels it is his responsibility to make you feel welcomed - to validate your opinion in your own eyes."
"Why? I'm responsible for myself, why should he feel it necessary to make me welcome to the others? I'd rather have their honest opinions of me rather than a facade pulled up by someone else who they themselves like, and trust..." Celeb trailed off. "Anyway, my opinion needs no validity, I speak when I am spoken to, and I tell the truth...No opinionation, just fact, that's how it's been for me," Celeb replied more willingly this time.
"The six of you are bound together, Celeb," replied the old man, leaning forward. "Your are all responsible for each other. You must learn to trust in your allies, and they will in turn learn to trust you. Your feelings serve you well, but you must not allow them to impede the relationships that you must necessarily create with these other five Jedi."
"Trust is something earned, not given, am I right Old One?" Celeb asked, opening his eyes and looking into Erussas. "How have I earned their trust? I did nothing when I could have done something. I could have fought with Osay. I could have treated Lite, or Gherion, or Ashalle, I'm a 'Jack-Of-All-Trades', or so I have come to be known as. As for me trusting them, well, I can only say I'm alot like that Lite girl, I have, 'people' problems," Celeb told Erussa. He paused in thought, amazed at how much he was telling the old man.
"Consider, for a moment, your preferred course of simply 'doing as you're told', as it were. What is it that gives you the desire to do so? Are you simply willing to obey the orders of whomsoever gives them?"
"What is it?" Celeb reiterated to himself, furrowing his thin eyebrows in thought. "I-Uh...I have been.....'taught' to do as asked, and told. I-Err, have no real desire, I just do," Celeb admitted, a tinge of sorrow in his voice. "So yes, I do obey the orders of whomsoever gives me orders."
"So, if, for example, your adversary in battle were to order you to stand down and allow him to carry on with his devious task, you would step aside and allow him to continue unimpeded?"
Celeb almost fell out of bed at the statement Erussa made, it was, to his own surprise, quite funny. But Celeb regained his composure quickly and looked at his feet as he uttered what was permanently etched into his mind, "'We are to obey our orders without pause; we are to obey our 'leaders' absolutely; we are to carry out said orders until completed to the exact 'T'; we are...." Celeb trailed off once more, shying away from his past, which he was bringing up. "Yeah, I could see Tawnos' leadership skills too. That's why I obeyed. No I wouldn't obey an enemy, I was taught otherwise. But you get the picture," Celeb said broodingly.
Erussa nodded. "As I said, your feelings serve you well. Tawnos is an admirable man - each of your companions are, as are you. You must learn to come to terms with your past, and truly come to trust your companions. Without trust, your Knighthood will fail, and the Galaxy will be lost."
Celeb pondered these words, "Does the galaxy really need me? Wouldn't it be better off without one more Jedi...All I'd do is step on the other's toes."
Erussa shook his head. "The six of you are a balance for each other. If one of you should fall, the entire fabric of what you represent will be incomplete. If one should fall, the other five will fall into chaos."
This statement was deep in Celeb's opinion, and they hit home for him, at least in a relative manner. He closed his eyes once more, focusing on his surroundings, "I have no great concerns for Jedi, or the galaxy, or people for that matter, so what does it matter to me?" Celeb didn't allow Erussa to respond, "I would be everyone's downfall, I'll tell you that. I lack care for things, wouldn't that make me the most susceptible to darker impulses, especially if I gained the power that the Jedi wield?" Yet again Celeb waited for the moment Erussa was trying to respond to speak, "No, I wouldn't, because I'm the one that's got obedience etched into his brain. So I can see that you've seen my inner machinations, and deduced the same thing. I like you Old One you're like me in some ways, but I still don't trust you, and I feel you've deduced that too, but we'll leave it at that," Celeb finished his monologue, pausing to think for a moment. "I'll try, even if I don't truly trust them, and they don't like me for being who I am. I'll be the backbone, or glue, I'll hold things together as long as I have the strength and will," Celeb looked into Erussa's eyes, his observatory gaze picking at the old man's own wizened eyes. "Just give me the order Old One," Celeb said, a tiny fraction of a smile coming across his face.
Erussa smiled. "Very well," he said. "But first, a warning: do not allow the nature of this group, and therefore the necessity of your involvement, lead you down the path of arrogance. The dark side has many guises, and it is easy to become lost within your own passions. Be mindful, my young pupil."
Celeb smiled at this, "I understand, but what passions I have are only to obey orders...that's all I've really had in life to be passionate about, but I will watch my actions."
Erussa nodded, and stood. "Excellent. Then I shall bid you goodnight."
"Wait, what of my training Old One, you never mentioned that. What would I become if I were to be a Jedi? This is something I have pondered, even before you brought us all here, I'm not ignorant to stories of the Jedi after all, I can read," Celeb asked and stated, uncertain of how things would be done to become a Jedi, would it be like his training in the past?
The old man pondered his question for a moment. "For one such as you, placement within a class of the Order is difficult. You look down upon violence for its own sake, but you also understand that it can be an important ally." He thought for a moment. "There are a handful of old Jedi sects that viewed the power of the Force as an aid to their natural talents. One in particular seems to stand out when considering your own temperament - that of the Jedi Templar; an obscure class, rarely selected but by those who seek a quick and expedient end to conflict, without resorting to unnecessary violence."
This wasn't exactly the answer Celeb had been asking for, but it would suffice, because as he heard the name of this Jedi Class he seemed to instantly know about it, as if it had always been within the confines of his spirit, or genetic makeup maybe. "Um, thank you Old One, I believe I should take some time to ponder our conversation, as I won't be sleeping tonight, for-" Celeb paused looking at his feet which were still on the desk at the foot of the bed, "-multiple reasons." Erussa nodded. "Then I shall leave you to your thoughts. Goodnight."
"Goodnight Old One," Celeb said, closing his eyes and spreading his other senses outward, burying his chin into his chest, his arms crossed, he dwelled on his thoughts, and the words the strange ancient man had said to him. He wouldn't sleep at all that night, it wasn't in his nature anyway.
"But in you...I see the potential to see the Force die, to turn away from its will..."
"You are beautiful to me, exile. A dead spot in the Force, an emptiness in which its will might be denied."
"But no Jedi ever made the choice you did. To sever ties so completely, so utterly, that it leaves a wound in the Force..."
"I would have killed the galaxy to preserve you...You are more precious than you know..."-now...it's verbatim!-A quote from Darth Traya (Kreia)