Thread: [Fic] The Devil Within
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Old 12-06-2008, 12:23 AM   #6
Darth_Yuthura
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Status: Banned
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Vienna
Posts: 1,585
Current Game: KOTOR III
'Wow' is just so overused, so I'll use 'Remarkable' instead.

What's that?
Remarks?
That was just a figure of... oh fine!

The love/hate relationship with Visas was a great attribute, but if you use 3rd person, why not show her thoughts? It could be like they are polar opposites of the same sphere. She only is dedicated to him because he had suffered a loss as great as hers or worse. She loves him, but despises what she must do to be with him.

Your story, not mine.

The death and apathy for the Sith are a bit difficult to really understand. I would have imagined he would have just treated those assassins like flies... swatting them as they came in, but not really too important to waste time hunting.

I'm not a fan of DS stories, but this has my attention.
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