To make up for being constantly left behind for A Dark Path, I shall now give you a super long review (which unfortunately will probably be nitpicky. Poke me if you object!)
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Originally Posted by Mr_BFA
...desecrating it of its taint.
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Hmm, I don't think desecrating is the right word to use here. It's already tainted, and he's not about to change that!
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Originally Posted by Mr_BFA
He sent the mind of this pathetic ‘Sith’ into the plain of nothingness.
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plain=plane
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Originally Posted by Mr_BFA
...the Force Sensitive’s that...
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Sensitive's=sensitives. Ditto with users later in the paragraph.
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Originally Posted by Mr_BFA
here were some times that he could barely look himself in the eye.
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Anatomically speaking, I can see why that would be a problem
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Originally Posted by Mr_BFA
It was a threat.
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Why was it a threat? It sounds cold, yes, but not threatening, imho.
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Originally Posted by Mr_BFA
The three of them dodged and one came running at Jonas.
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Why didn't all of them come running?
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Originally Posted by Mr_BFA
Rolling to the die,
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Could you clarify? I'm afraid that I don't get this.
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Originally Posted by Mr_BFA
of her feet.
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*off
As usual, your DS exile is pretty creepy! I liked the bit about how he wanted them to experience 'nothingness', as well as how he feels nothing but contempt for them. I would have liked to see more of his relationship with Kreia, because she is such a badass character
I wonder where you'll take this story
