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Old 01-28-2009, 04:28 AM   #20
Join Date: May 2000
Posts: 27
OK, how about this.

After the death of her father, Leia goes to her secret labs on Alderaan. There, her scientists show her their newest creations: The Gungoks.

They are the genetic combination of Gungans and Ewoks.

The army of Gungoks (led by a Gungok named Jarwick W. Binket) are put on Rebel starships and taken directly to the Death Star.

The Emperor and his new Apprentice watch as the ships land in the docking bay. As soon as they see the Gungoks step from the ship, the Apprentice lays down his lightsaber and says, "Okay, I'm out. Clearly this species is an unstoppable force and will overcome any Empire, no matter how technologically advanced."

The Emperor snarls and shoots lightning at Jarwick. Jarwick sees the lightning coming his way and screams. His scream startles a nearby stormtrooper, who accidentally misfires his weapon. His shot hits a TIE fighter that is parked in the hanger.

The TIE fighter's panel falls to the ground and rolls across the hanger. Jarwick runs from the panel, screaming, "MESA THINK THE STARCRUISER CRASH!" The panel rolls past him, and crashes into a generator on the wall. The generator explodes and sends electrical sparks throughout the hanger. The sparks are attracted to the metal armor of the Stormtroopers. It fries them all.

Jarwick looks at the Emperor and says, "Eechowawa. Mesa berry sorry."

Enraged, the Emperor looks at Jarwick and says, "And now, powerful native creature... you will die..."

Panicked, Jarwick pulls a slingshot from his backpack. He puts a small, glowing marble in the sling shot and pulls it back.

The Emperor laughs. "What is this?" he asks. "Do you seriously think that in a galaxy that has Death Stars and the Force and Lightsabers and Laser blasters, you'll be able to stop me with a simple--"

Jarwick shoots the slingshot in the direction of the Emperor, hitting him directly between the eyes. The Emperor falls to the ground, dead.

Starkiller walks back into the room and looks at the Emperor's body. He then looks up at Leia. "Hey," he says. "Sorry about the whole killing your dad thing."

"Dads," Leia says. "I found a holo at the house where my adopted father told me that Vader was my birth father."

"Oh," Starkiller says. "Geeze. This is awkward."

"Yeah," Leia says.

"So," Starkiller says, "does that prevent you from going to dinner with me? There's a really cool diner near the detention level. It's called Tatooine Graffiti."

"You killed both of my fathers!" Leia says.

"Technically," Starkiller says, "I just killed Vader. And he was kind of a deadbeat dad."

"Good point," Leia says. "So that diner's pretty good?"

"It's great," Starkiller says as they walk from the hanger.

Jarwick throws his hands in the air and yells, "WESA GONNA EAT AT A DINER!"


Meanwhile, across the galaxy, Han Solo sits in a cantina with Chewbacca. "I sure wish we had a way to make the money to pay Jabba what we owe him. It would rock if some old guy would hire us to take a kid and some droids to Alderaan, and offer to pay us way more than the trip is worth..."

Chewie roars.

"Yeah," Han says. "I know. That's just a stupid pipe dream."

Greedo shows up and says, "Going some--"

Han shoots Greedo.

Chewie roars.

"Yeah," Han says. "Of course I shot him. I'm a pirate. Why wouldn't I shoot first? That's stupid, Chewie."

They walk out to Docking Bay 94, where Jabba is waiting. Jabba asks Han for his money. Han says that he doesn't have it and doesn't really see any chance that he'll get it.

Jabba has all the bounty hunters there to shoot Han dead.

Chewie cries.

Credits roll.

(obviously, I'm kidding)
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