Thread: [NSW-Fic] The Dragonfighters
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Old 02-18-2009, 12:49 PM   #4
JediMaster12
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Jae, as always you do outstanding work. This particular scene is really smooth and crisp. You really grip the audience with this forboding sense of doom. Few people can pull that off successfully and here you did so. The lead in to the battle with the blood and carnage is very descriptive and I can see the action of swords swinging and dragons breathing fire.
The briefness of Jailyn's grief over her brother is fitting with the pace of the chapter. In battle you only have a moment to mourn before you must snap back to attention. That was played out very well. This story has a lot of potential and I hope you consider writing more as you go.

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