( The start of Chapter Two
, and I'm sure no one has been Anticipating it, lol.
Satunda, Telona 25, 3,957 BBY:
I’m still sitting here after all this time holding on to this journal that holds my secretes. Are they still secretes after all this time, after I portrayed them into this journal? This hard cold thing filled with wires and other small devices. Known to everyone else it’s just a regular datapad but to me, to me it holds things that I’m not certain I could show anyone else. My tears have dried up, and the pain faded away. But the void I feel, the emptiness left behind making me think it was best to keep the pain just so I would still be able to feel something, anything. I see the door it’s just a few feet in front of where I sit, but if I leave does that mean I’m leaving her behind? Leaving her alone again?
But she died in my arms I felt it, it was real wasn’t it? My heart it aches again, this pain that returns with the memory of her fading away from me. This pain I wish to keep, this continuous turmoil that is slowly eroding my soul, destroying the definition of me. If only I could control time, go back to that day for real, make her live again, and then maybe just maybe spend my life with her. This heart I want to cut it out so I can no longer feel this burning desire to be with her. My fingers glide across my cheek where she touched me, where her fingers caressed my cold hard skin. The warmth she placed inside my heart that lingers, this feeling what is it?
I’ve sat here for so long the stone under me has grown warm while the stone that surrounds me is still bitter cold. Perhaps this place is mocking me for my failure to be able to continue on. Then let it mock me, let it call me things I’ve never heard of it doesn’t matter anymore. Why should anything matter to me? If this place has shown me anything it is that I am a disease to everyone I know. Anyone I ever cared about ends up dead by some sick twisted design of fate or destiny. As a Jedi I was taught that the force controls all things, than perhaps the force is just a cruel device set to only bring misery upon people who wield it.
“Why are you still sitting here Lyon?” a voice says to me. The voice sounds soft and gentle like a female. But it also carries a hint of age with it, knowledge learned threw time.
I tilted my head to the side looking at the person speaking to me. My eyes looked at her but they were dead, showing no emotion. What emotion would I show? Inside everything feels like it was destroyed, utterly and completely obliterated from my existence. I didn’t say anything to her turning my sight back to the door. The door that stood there perfectly as it was taunting me, wanting me to go through and suffer more. There were foots steps walking towards me. The steps had a skip to them as if the person was limping, the skip was a familiar sound I’d recognize it anywhere.
“Are you going to ignore me Lyon?” said the female voice as she slid her back down the cold wall near me and sat down upon the cold stone floor. It was obvious that one leg was heavier than the other, a mechanical attachment set in place to replace the lost limb. If she wanted it to get warm then it would take a long time. Should I respond to her? It would be respectful considering all she has done for me, but what would I say? How could I express all the emptiness I felt inside of me? All the devastating emptiness that coursed through every inch of me.
“I know why you’re sitting here. It wasn’t your fault, everything occurs for a reason.” She said to me calmly with a slight hint of warmth in her tone.
Was she trying to help me? I could hear myself grunt a little laugh. Of course she was, she was always around when I need help. Always around when I needed words of wisdom to guide me on the right path. I closed my eyes surrounding myself in the darkness that I felt inside of me. Something was touching my hand, something soft and warm. Whatever was touching me was sending something into me, something nice and relaxing.
“You’ve grown so much since I’ve last seen you Lyon. You’re now a strong independent man. No longer the boy who lashed out when you had done wrong.” She said confidently.
Again I slightly grunted a laugh “You don’t know me as a man. You left before I was grown” I said back to her my voice empty.
I know now that it was her hand touching mine as she lifted it up and placed it back down gently as if petting me like some animal. Still she was treating me like a child. Still even she was haunting me like all the others. Why couldn’t they just move on and leave me alone? Why did they have to torture me with their presence? Wasn’t it enough that this place wanted to destroy me slowly?