(Another installment of the absolute horribleness of this story. lol. Enjoy)
This person sitting beside me what was her name? I know it, I feel it linger inside my mind but it moves away when I reach for it. Her presence is calming. This calmness or whatever feeling she is washing over me with her presence it is welcomed. Though I had figured or hoped that I would never feel this sense of calmness again. Or maybe I figured I know longer deserved it, no longer was allowed to feel any type of emotion it what now feels like a empty shell of my former self.
“The longer you sit here. The less of a chance you’ll have to become what you are meant to become.” She said to me. Her voice still filled with confidence, like she knew what my destiny was to be. As if she knew everything I would face, the trails I would go through.
“Swirling force right?” I mumbled into my arms peering at the door. How my despisement for that door grows as it stands there taunting my failure, my inability to accept what I have witnessed. Everything that I had hoped to achieve now seems like it’s fading in the distance. Is what I wanted truly that unattainable, that far from my grasp. Why couldn’t things, just for a moment be simple to understand just for one tiny moment let clarity wash over me so I would know what I should do next.
“It’s not swirling force” she said “It’s what I see when I look into your eyes. It’s what your soul desires to be.”
My soul? What did she know about my soul? She died on me, all the things she promised to teach me turned into lies and false hopes. But is it right for me to blame her for something she had no control over? Maybe as a child I held on to the resentment of her death. When she died she left behind her promises to me that soon became empty words from everyone else. I think that’s when my resentment for others began. When I was left alone in the darkness she was trying to save me from.
“You act as if you know me?” I muttered to her my voice still refusing to show even the slightest hint of emotion. Inside me however something was stirring trying to come back to life, trying to be noticed and seen again.
I heard her let loose a small chuckle as she said “Of course I know you child. I haven’t stopped watching you.”
My eyes drifted from the maddening door over to her. She sat there looking at me with her brown eyes shining fake motherly affection upon me, and a smile that seemed to sooth my chaotic heart. Her hair grayed by time was still pulled back into a tight bun. Through her hair however there were still streaks of her original color, black as the midnight sky. Her mind though seemed so ancient and wise even if her appearance proved otherwise. Still sounding so old and still looking so young.
She stood up moving slowly showing the falseness of her age. Her body seemed to moan and crack with every movement letting her know that quick movement wouldn’t be a wise choice. She turned to face me, limping with every turn. A hand was place in front of my vision. The skin smooth unaffected by wrinkles of time or the labors they have been through.
“Take my hand Lyon. It’s now time to stand and stop wallowing in self pity.” She said.
Self pity? This wasn’t self pity this was genuine pain wasn’t it? And even if it was self pity I had every right to feel this way didn’t I? After everything I’ve been though? Maybe she was right, maybe I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself. But my heart, my devastated heart that still seemed to be cowering in the farthest corner of my chest couldn’t take any more I believe.
She managed to hit the right button though. I felt myself spring to me feet, my fists clenched tightly ready to strike her. I could feel the burning rage course through my veins, the desire to strike her, to beat her until there was nothing left. But I didn’t as I slowly took a deep breath in and released it all that anger, all that frustration seemed to flow away from my body like ripples in a pond.
Last edited by Kyvios; 03-20-2009 at 10:22 PM.