Originally Posted by PastramiX
I don't believe that condensing an ideal into smaller units really enhances or clarifies the message within. In fact, I find that using as many adjectives as possible often enhances the message, especially with something extremely creative. To take a page from Jack Kerouac:Now, if you take out, let's say seven adjectives, for starters, would the message stay the same as the original? Using a multitude of varying terms not only gets the message across, but also creates a stylized pattern, a form of art, if you will.
I was pointing out where he could achieve the same imagery more efficiently--all the images of the emerald leaves, trees, butterflies, chaos and order, and wind can get bombastic when it's overdone. Re-read Kerouac's sentence again--what are you seeing? Are you stopping in the middle of the sentence to read the words, or are you experiencing the moment that Kerouac's created for you? Does it use 'writerly' language or normal language? The only word in Kerouac's sentence that you might pause at is 'desirous' since we don't use that word very often in American English. His sentence construction helps with the flow with the staccato mad-mad-mad-mad--he has the right words, he also has put them in the right places.
Efficient does not mean 'short'. It means using the right word in the right place at the right time and no more than that. I don't think Kerouac could have made that sentence any more efficient and still have it mean the same--every single word is necessary to create the experience. There were words in Adavardes' and likely my creative attempts that weren't necessary or needed to be moved around or tweaked to give us more specific imagery and sensations for the reader to experience for ourselves, rather than 'telling us what the experience is'. However, that's why Kerouac's published and I'm not (but maybe one day....)
@Darth_Yuthura--the themes in Romeo and Juliet are repeated to this day. How happy are families when a person of one race marries a person of another, black/white, Hispanic/black, Hispanic/white, etc.? What happens when a conservative marries into a family of Communists, a Christian marries a Wiccan, a Muslim marries a Jew? Can you imagine what might happen if a Palestinian girl told her family she was in love with an Israeli boy that she had met at the local college or market? The two families might not go to open war these days (Palestinians and Israelis notwithstanding), but they might well have the same kind of seething hatred for the other family that you see in Romeo and Juliet, the kind that can poison the very children that they love and want the best for.
The little details that you feel are sorely lacking are often part of the set or costuming, or seen in the gestures and facial expressions that the actors would make, or even in their movements on stage and their interactions with different props. I would recommend watching Shakespeare instead of just reading his works--I think it'll make a lot more sense for you then. Plays are meant to be watched rather than read, ideally. I've read 'Much Ado About Nothing', which is funny, but it's even better on stage or on screen, not to mention any movie with Emma Thompson, Kenneth Branagh, Denzel Washington, Robert Sean Leonard, Kate Beckinsale, and Michael Keaton (who nearly stole the show with his crazy take on Dogberry) is fantastic.