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Old 09-18-2009, 10:58 AM   #1058
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
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Coruscant Entertainment Center

Astor Kaine

Coruscant after the formation of the new Republic: A police officer is caught up in a web of intrigue.

The basic story is pretty good, AK, but there are some procedural problems in the last scenes. There is an old Dragnet TV show (All episodes based on factual events) that springs to mind. Sergeant Friday is walking into a Laundromat, and catches a man slip wiring a coin machine. When he shouts he is a police officer, the man draws a gun and fires at him. Friday shoots the man. In the episode the investigation turned ugly when there is no sign of the bullet the assailant had fired. At that point Friday was relieved of duty pending investigation.

First: A street cop is not going to arrest a sergeant at this point. The facts may not be in, but he is still a police officer. He would have been held at the scene while other specialist officers arrived. Among them would be homicide, Internal Affairs (Due to an officer involved shooting) and forensics. Only after these had arrived would anything be done about him specifically. Homicide would determine what they could, and IA would have escorted him down town, still uncuffed. At that time, he would be suspended for the duration of investigation, and his sidearm taken. He would still not be arrested or detained.

Second, it is a common stance under law enforcement that flight implies guilt. While the kid trying to make the bust is overstepping his authority, the sergeant is now believed to be the murderer, because logically an innocent man would not flee.

The Rise of Darth Scorcher

After formation of the New Republic: A new menace arises.

The basics are good, but we know nothing of any note about the main character.

As I have said before, things go a little too well for the bad guy. He hides his fall, takes control of the Imperial remnant (Which has been tried by other ascending Darths who failed miserably) then sits like a spider waiting for a new Jedi to come along and become his apprentice.

Also if there was a replacement for Palpatine there should be more about him recorded. How he fought the Rebel Alliance for example, and how he died. You have added him as your non-canon character, but there is less about him than about the main one.

Not bad for a first attempt. Welcome to the forum.

Alternate history: U.S.A. vs. France

Not much yet. However there are some glaring flaws in the logic.

New Orleans was ceded to the Spanish in the Treaty of 1763, and the city did not return to French rule until 1801. Then in 1803 the city was ceded to the US along with the Louisiana purchase. So your French government would have to be fighting two wars; one against the Spanish, and also with the US. Fighting Spain would be no biggie, the Spanish Empire started crumbling not long after the Armada.

Napoleon was only a general in 1798; he would not hold his coup d’etat until a year later, and would not become Emperor until 1804. Part of the reason Napoleon as First Consul sold the Louisiana purchase to the US was because of staggering debts caused by the Monarchy and the first Republic.

Welcome to the forum

Over at kotorfanmedia Satiar sent me an email asking that I review this work. If the blurb isn’t what you wanted, kid; let me know.


Not Always Made to Last

KOTOR After the Star Forge: The relationship ends gently, and both feel a bit relieved.

The piece is wonderful work. The sadness of a relationship ending, but friendship even at a distance remains for both. Poignant is the best way to describe it.

Pick of the Week

Light Side Female Revan

Into Darkness Chapter One

Originally reviewed 23 June 06. That review is below.
During the confrontation in the Rakatan Temple in KOTOR I: Revan takes a middle road not offered in the game.

Well written, intriguing suggestions. Worth a second glance.

The problem with a game such as KOTOR is that you are faced with what are essentially binary solutions. If you do this, you slide toward the dark side, if you do this instead, you slide toward the light. Real life is more like what Jayd portrays.

That is what bothers me. Back in the 60s, a lot of people compared the Lord of the Rings to the Second World War, which was raging when Tolkien wrote it. When asked Tolkien replied that the attitude of the ‘ends justifies the means’ would have had someone putting on the ring to defeat Sauron, then someone else would have had to kill this new terror quickly.

His last comment was the most telling. ‘To be the good guy means refusing to take that easy road‘.

As Jayd asked, I read it and the rewrite is as powerful as the original. All I can say is…

Reprise Pick of the Week

Light Side Male Revan

Darth Zether

PreMandalorian Wars: A vision of the future sets what will later be KOTOR in motion.

It wasn’t until I found out about Alek that I figured out who the main character was. It was interesting and the only thing that bothered me about the KOTOR universe in that the Dark Side version still had the same name since everyone else seems to have some ludicrous name assigned.

Leaving that aside the piece is well wrought, and the call to arms very strong. I have always thought that standing aside showed not restraint but cowardice on the part of the council I honestly believe if they had explained their reasoning, the Jedi might not have gone to war and fallen.

Light Side Male Exile

Chapter I: Awaken
Green Dragon

TSL on Peragus: The Exile begins his mission.
The telling is generic, though the asides to himself were interesting.


TSL enroute to Telos: Atton may be hiding something new.

The piece started out pretty generic, but changed abruptly. The change surprised and delighted me. Very well done.

Pick of the Week

Spam Wars

TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk bound for Nar Shaddaa: The Sith and Jedi hostility is nothing compared to mods and forumites…

An amusing little piece. It started out a bit generic, Atton and the Exile playing pazaak, then the skifter hit’s the table. From there it went off at a tangent, and never really came back. It was fun.

Not-So-Pure Pazaak

TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk: Well at least they’re not fighting…

The piece was a lot of fun. The pair did everything but fight. And the ending as Atton would say, was pure pazaak.

Pick of the Week

Not So Epic Endings

TSL on Malachor V: This would have been a better ending.

Dialogue only works sometimes, and it did in this case. As another reviewer commented, I could hear the raised voices, flailing arms, and angry faces in my head. The back and forth became amusing, even arguing over what to call Kreia-Traya caused me to smile. Being hung up on admitting she is his mother even making him search his feelings over and over made me laugh.

This would have been a better script for the end, of course most of us would agree that anything might have been better.

Pick of the Week

Exile vs. Sion
Revan The White

TSL on Malachor V: The fight between Sion and the Exile takes several weird turns.

The piece was light and amusing. Interrupting a saber duel so Sion can take a voice call from Atris was choice.

Pick of the Week

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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