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Old 10-02-2009, 10:56 AM   #1064
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
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Current Game: Dungeonseige series
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Coruscant Entertainment Center

Music of the Force

Submission to the Getting the Crystals contest.

During AOTC: A young Jedi goes in search of her own crystal, and faces her dark self.

I know when Writer is posting, it is usually good and I wasn’t disappointed. The piece flows well, and seeing the brash young girl go off and end up stranded was perfect. Her travails both mental and physical were reduced, but remembering how much ‘fun’ it was to do a multiple posting for the contests I could understand that.

The idea that Sith hunters would be around still was a bit confusing. Since the Sith had been reduced in numbers by the rule of two, it would be like building a palisade around a modern city to stop Indian attacks. But having that person as a foil at the start helped the story along.

If I voted this would get one.

Pick of the week


Submission to the Getting the Crystals contest.

During the Mandalorian wars: A prisoner is released by Malek to pursue her destiny at his command.

The story is good, it flows well, and the gaining of the stones is well done. Turning it’s own spines against it was a good move, though it could have been immune to the poison as most venomous things are.

Another I would have voted for.

The Brush and Palette For Words That Are Gone Unsaid

NonSW fiction: A dissertation on obsession.

The piece is good in a very disturbing way. The main character is obsessed with this young girl, and the scene stark as it is, revolves around her and the feelings she creates in the viewer.

Star Wars: The Ides of Fall

KOTOR on Endar Spire: Revan fights through the escape

Except for one point, calling the weapon a melee blade, the piece is well done. The flashes of déjà vu were the most interesting part, along with the impetus of a light saber slicing through the last door to get them moving.


Light Side Female Revan

Tao Fel: Chapter 1 - The Smuggler

KOTOR aboard Endar Spire: Our hero makes it to the escape pods and off the ship.

A generic retelling, though having her be a heavy drinker obsessed with Trask’s touchy (The word is tushy actually) was amusing. She goes from teasing Trask to now noticing Carth’s looks without a pause. Fun read.

Light Side Female Exile

The way the universe ends part I

TSL after Malachor V: For the first time in seven years, the Exile feels Revan’s presence, and must go to his aid.

The writing is good if a bit rushed. You ran across the deaths in both adventures as if flipping through a set of pictures, Bastila, Bao Dur, Michal, all gone but not telling us how they died.

On the technical side, considering the Star Forge could churn out ships like an assembly line, how had the Sith without the same technology created something that would create an even larger fleet in that short a time? If you read my post
The economics and lag time of ship building. Post #145 you will see that using normal building methods, it would take three to four years per ship of the Frigate or cruiser classes while the Star Forge was building them in days.

Dark Side Male Revan

The Galaxies War:Ch.1: Aftermath
Darth Raelic

PostKOTOR and present: As Revan plots his return to power, Darth Sidious tells Vader of what had occurred in the past.

The piece was disjointed, making the reader jump from premise to premise. This is a flow problem, easily corrected by polishing. Beyond that it was an intriguing read.

Technical 1: Concerning ‘It was a weapon that the Sith used often.’. Working against booby traps (Or IEDs as they have taken to calling them) The first few usually will take out the man disarming them. However if the Sith use the technique often, the Ordinance people would have found a way to avoid or negate them. Watch a series named UXB from the BBC where they cover the evolution of the timed detonation bombs during WWII, and you will see what I mean. After all the Republic has fought the Sith before, and have been at it this time for over two years.

Technical 2: Since the Chancellor doesn’t have any authority over the Jedi, how could he have been the one to order Revan’s reprogramming?

Light Side Male Exile

A Hero Rises Ch.1-Struggle
Lord Revan 107

TSL aboard Ravager: The confrontation between Nihilus and the Exile.

The piece was interesting though the battle scene was a bit forced. I did like the idea of a Visas/Exile romance.

Exile's Journal, Chapter 1
Mantle of the Force

TSL on Peragus: The Exile begins his journey in a rather amusing manner.

Amidst a generic retelling of the first events, there is humor. Having the newly freed Exile run straight into the first door was cute, then screaming ‘Ah Zombie!” when Kreia sat up. A pity I don’t have time to read the follow on pieces with a beginning like that.


During the Mandalorian wars on Dxun: In the nick of time, the Jedi appears.

The piece had it’s good points, the setting of the scene, the sudden arrival of the Jedi, but it had some that confused me. As a simple military example, why is the loss of one recon unit of half a dozen men going to cause a full retreat from the planet?

Black Onyx
Katara Ironarm

PostKOTOR on Korriban: Revan plots her return to glory

The piece grabbed hold of you and dragged you through the events. Having Carth be Lord Sion after killing Bastila was choice. Describing Revan’s emotions as she plots not only against the Republic but also her new apprentice was just icing on the cake.

Pick of the week

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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