Light Side Female Revan
Who do you turn to?
KOTOR after Leviathan: How do you cope with the truth?
The piece is short, the subject obvious, but I have to agree with the author’s comment that the game did not go into the angst of this revelation. I myself spent an entire chapter just on her dealing with it personally.
Dark Side Female Exile
The day she returned
TSL on Onderon: The Exile faces Kavar, the man she once loved, for the last time.
The piece is stark and cold. Her mocking exchange with him at the last is the prefect foil.
Pick of the week
End of a mind
Darth Jedi Master
TSL after Malachor V: Atton’s mind is shredded by the one he loves.
The piece is nightmarish; not surprising since it is a nightmare. Atton is brutally reduced to nothing, and returns from the dream as what he had been before.
Blood Memories Chapter 1: Worries and a Needle
Ten Years Post KOTOR: The Exile is up to something…
The start, raising two Jedi kids of their own seems to have run Carth and Bastila ragged. Mission now head of Covert ops was a bit of a stretch, though her comment, that she could leap through a window onto a swoop and escape if she were paid enough was choice.
The author says the first line will explain everything… I am intrigued, and wish I could read it all. But I do not have the time. Now if the author would say, send it all to me in an email…?
Pick of the Week
Mandalorian Wars at Malachor V: The Exile pushes the button.
The piece was curious. Why is her hand wrinkled with age? None of the pictures used show anyone beyond perhaps their early 30s. For a moment I considered that it might be Kreia who had done it,
Knight of the Word
Post TSL: As Mical flees the Exile, he remembers his last sight of the Exile before the war.
The piece is interesting because we get to see the Exile before she had left, still a strong knight ready to do what must be done. Of all people it was Revan who suggested the boy avoid the Exile, and his words proved prescient.
Canon Note: According to the Wookiepedia, After the Great Sith War (War of Exar Kun, 30-odd years earlier) Nomi Sunrider had been made head of the Council. So how could the Council have forcibly retired her? Besides her daughter would have been in her mid forties, early fifties. Why discard two Jedi because of this disagreement?
Pick of the week
The Battle for Rhen Var
Star Wars After Hoth; No plan survives contact with the enemy…
The piece has a classic of guerilla warfare, two units facing each other, on the rebels, the other, the bad guys. But are they bad guys? I wonder how many will be killed before they realize they are actually on the same side?
KOTOR after Tatooine: Griff tries to make an easy credit, again
The piece is about one of my least favorite characters, he’s right up there with Jar-Jar in being behind the door when brains were given out. You can’t see him as a leg breaker sent out by a mob boss, and the entire argument with the Selkath he’s supposed to collect from was just too choice for words.
It makes me wonder if the Hutt just wanted to rid himself of the troublesome Twi-lek.
SW During ANH: Based on the Battlefront game, A series of battles across the galaxy.
The piece is incoherent, the characters cardboard, and unreal. Even the narrator is just a voice describing the scene and little more.
First, slow down, as much as a movie shoves and drags you forward to the conclusion, a reader is not so easily led. The mind must create the screen the drama plays upon, and cannot leap from place to place as readily as a camera lens.
Give us more than just names and weapons, to quote from Laurell K Hamilton, a person is more than the job he does. A reader must invest emotional reaction in a character, or his death is a counter like the one you kept referring to. With X amount of Rebel troops and X number of stormies. If there is no investment, there is no feeling.
Awe of She
Mip the Happy
TSL After Malachor V: Two of the crew members reminisce in their minds about some of what they have experienced on their journey.
The scenes flow, but they feel a bit rough. The phrasing is stilted, and the character’s voices are too close to one another to keep them apart if you did not read the chapter head. My suggestion is to re-read, edit, and rewrite. Let the scenes flow, don’t drag them from place to place.
I do not have time to read and review a full length novel, so I read the first three sections, and reviewed them. The scenes are well laid out, but feel artificial, like knowing that bulkhead is really a sheet of plastic attached to two by fours. It didn’t feel quite right. You did have some homonym problems, such as it is you make do, not due. Every fault I see with the work is a matter of editing.
Technical: Aboard ships you do not use the descriptions you would on land. Check out the article I wrote; Ship nomenclature, or; It's not a door, it's a hatch blast it!
over at Lucasforums, and you’ll see what I mean.
All in all a good read, I am still at the calm before the storm point, but worth a look.
Post TSL: Though they are far apart, Atton and the Exile can still while away the time together.
The piece started out a bit sluggish, Atton now undercover, the Exile far away, but having her flip a card from that distance, having him react as if this is normal, was beautiful
Pick of the Week