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Old 04-30-2010, 10:53 AM   #1124
machievelli
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
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Current Game: Dungeonseige series
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Elevation of an Outcast
Mandalore Reborn

Improper word usage, lied instead of lay, as slight instead of a, baring instead of bearing. These are editing problems, nothing, more.

The battle was well done except the enemy ships were too weak. You wax lyrical about the strength of the battleships, yet they went down relatively easy.

An enjoyable read.

Fanfiction.net

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic Bits
Chochos

KOTOR on Tatooine:

You did not need most vainiest unless you switched the postions making him the most arrogant. While accord and agree can mean the same thing, you should have had them agreeing to meet. It’s remind instead of remember,

I feel that English is not your first language, and I was proven correct when I looked at your profile. Since I could not string even a simple sentence together in Spanish, I am impressed.

Death of the Academy
JP McClendon

KOTOR on Dantooine: Malak takes his revenge on the Academy

Unfortunately, I did not have time to read all six postings. From what I did see This is a fairly journeyman work, the writing smooth, the pace fast. The action becomes a bit overwhelming, and the primary problem I had was with the almost constant usage of the game terms for the moves. If he stretches out his hand and the opponent is thrown backwards, I know it is a force push, while my way is a bit more wordy, it doesn’t sound like I am merely reiterating the game orders given.

Imperfectly

Ada Evol

TSL on Peragus: The adventure flashes back to it’s beginning

The piece is fun because of the irreverence. The Exile snarling about the fact that only her underwear is there, mourning the loss not only of pants but lingerie as well. Her reaction to her own name was indicative of someone who feels it besmirched by her supposed crimes.

Two Tarisian Ales
Wraithfighter

Post KOTOR: Carth wait’s the one night of the week he allows himself, hoping she will return.

For a moment, I thought I had read this already, then I discovered it is the prequel to the third bottle which I did read back in 2007 over at kotorfanmedia.

Like the other story, it shows the descent into depression of Carth as he waits for his love to return. The sheer stubbornness of his actions tell of someone unwilling to admit defeat, right down to the ring he carries.

Pick of the Week

Redemption
Wraithfighter


Post TSL: The final confrontation between a light side Revan and a dark side Exile does not go as she had planned

This was light sabers and psychoanalysis mixed. The Revan we see is wed to the light side so firmly that nothing fazes him. The catalog of ills the Exile has done flows over him like water, and like water, does no appreciable damage. His last words to her in this all to brief work, are telling.

I am a pagan, but the best description would be of Saul of Tarsus after he was redeemed and became Paul.

Pick of the week.

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Male Revan

Lipstick and Lekku, Part 1
Ryl00

KOTOR aboard Ebon Hawk: Mission tries to relieve her boredom

The writing is smooth and flows well. The theme was fun, mainly Mission’s reminiscing, but the kid is bored. Like any good prologue, I expect the fur to fly very soon.

Double Whammy
Renee Enderson

Pre KOTOR: Bastila captures Revan, but with a twist

The piece flows well, and the humor was light, yet funny. You have to admit, the red crystal is a bit of hot pink, and Revan focusing on that was very silly.

Dark Side Female Exile

Play
Inyri

Post TSL: The one sport both the Exile and Atton enjoy

The piece is nice and dark, Atton and the Exile drawing people to them like a pair of spiders so they can ‘play’ with them. The scenes make you a bit nervous about them.

Pick of the week

All the Time
Reltran

Post TSL: Coming now for the last of her old companions

The piece was a bit confusing, though the last paragraphs helped explain it. The repetitive ‘he killed me’ was bit wearing after a while. It does not require a lot of work, but it could have used a bit more back story, since every death she caused was merely recorded except for the two men.

Cold
Scream

Post TSL: All he feels is cold

The piece is a frozen bit of horror at what they have become. A balancing act between her red hot fury, and his icy cold regard of her. His last question pushes perilously toward the brink, for he cannot imagine being alive yet so cold.

Chilling.

Pick of the week

Soft
SmileMandalore

Post TSL: Even now, she is still soft

The piece is a little snippet of life, a reunion neither expected. Having merely sampled the author’s work, I do not know who Jakkie is, but I can feel the Exile torn apart all the same.

Pick of the week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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