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Old 01-05-2011, 12:26 AM   #2
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Kirkwall/The Free Marches
Posts: 3,181
Current Game: Dragon Age II
Forum Veteran  Roleplayer  Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
Kreia, I swear tears almost sprang to my eyes when Revan Darius' father was killed, although I didn't like him at the beginning because he seemed too harsh and unforgiving of Revan's clumsy blaster hold. Reminds me of that scene in "Road to Perdition" where the young son of the assassin says, "But what if I don't want to shoot the squirrel?" It's heartbreaking because he knows his dad will say he has to. Same with Revan's father.

I can't wait to read more of this, and here's a tip: Break up the text a bit more. Large blocks of text, like large blocks of hard cheese, are difficult to sink your teeth into.

More, please!
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