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Old 04-11-2011, 10:26 AM   #1189
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Coruscant Entertainment Center

Ryan PM

TSL on Dantooine: The situation looks grim.

The piece is a generic retelling of the opening sequence on the planet. Except for Kreia pulling an Obi Wan, little is revealed.

Welcome to the forum.

KOTORNATURAL Teaser: Hyperspace Hurling

No specific era given: A blind leap takes them to adventure

The piece is like all of JM12's work, tightly written and flowing well. Keep it up.


Made Known

KOTOR Aboard the Ebon Hawk: Sometimes, you just have to tell her...

The piece flowed well, both Carth and Revan following through what you might expect. Her reactions from frustration at his attention to the kiss well portrayed. As another reviewer said, there was some that could be done with it, but don't lose that gentle reaction.

Torn Apart

KOTOR enroute to Manaan: The Bitch is back

The piece flowed, but not as I would have anticipated. The switch from Jast to Revan was too quick and her actions unanticipated.

Maybe Next Time
Dinah Lance

Pre KOTOR: Carth regrets his leave

The piece is good because we get to see Carth before he meets Revan. The byplay between him and the 'honest whore' was up to DL's usual high standards.

Pick of the Week

Love Beyond Words

Post KOTOR: Revan makes her decision

The piece flowed well, and the rejection of Carth was well done. Her later words to Bastila fit very well, including her mirth at Bastila's reaction.

Pick of the Week

A better offer

Pre KOTOR: Carth's last meeting withj Saul before Telos is attacked

The flow is smooth but the words used by Saul don't quite jell. Is words are too ambiguous, and I can understand Carth rejecting him. If he had said 'Revan feels we can fix this problem with your help' it would have made more sense. As the heros of the Mandalorian Wars, it would have echoed within Carth as well. Instead we get vague 'The Republic is dying' and what sounded to me like threats against his family as well.

About to Crash

KOTOR Alternate Universe on Korriban: It isn't Dustil he confronts

An interesting twist having Morgana the one who survived instead. Having her be the one who reveals who Revan is even more sick and twisted.

I liked it.

Pick of the Week

Meditation Envy
Skeiler Innocenti

TSL aboard Ebon Hawk: Atton feels left out.

The piece is really too short to get a grip on. I felt more was needed, at least an internal explanation of why the Exile refuses to teach him how to meditate, though I can guess why.

The Dying Wish

Post KOTOR: A Dying Sith Lord Revan asks a last boon of Carth

The piece is well wrought, the idea of a Sith thinking in a dynastic way different. Her dying request is not what you think, but excellent.

Pick of the Week


TSL on Nar Shaddaa: Love never flows smooth

A case of two people reacting to the outer reactions without understanding the inner ones. Atton comes across as an automatic flirt, which ticks off the Exile, who makes Atton confused as to why which makes him react to her. Typical love.

Atton to Mercy

Pre TSL: Atton takes down another victim

The piece flowed well, another of CB's excellent works.

Pick of the Week

The Gift
Kendoka Girl

KOTOR aboard Star Forge: Revan contemplates Bastila's final gift to him, and his final gift to her

The piece is excellent, staging the fight between Bastila and Revan, and the bleak prospects that lay ahead.

Pick of the Week

To Revan's Rescue

Pre KOTOR: The eventual Exile helps Revan with her latest prank

Like most of the 'Jedi kids' stories, Revan is the eternal prankster. In this one they did a make up job on Vrook that was almost a nightmare to visualize.

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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