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Old 06-11-2011, 10:41 AM   #1201
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,874
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
10 year veteran!  Hot Topic Starter  Veteran Fan Fic Author  Helpful! 
For those interested in your critic's tattered little life; This last Tuesday my computer went belly up with a vengeance. The automatic system checker says a third of my hard drive no longer exists, and almost every document I had is now in that wasteland. I do not know what it will cost to get it back, and even if I did, my finances will not stretch to cover it. Enough survives that I am still in the game however.

Coruscant Entertainment Center

A Name Never Known

No specific era given: An unknown protagonist records his own final moments

The piece doesn't give you a lot to work with. The pacing is perfect for a diary scene, and as such doesn't need characterization and descriptions. But it could have done with some expansion. Reviewed lat... Sorry about that, kid.

Ryan PM

TSL on Dantooine: The team gets ready to go to the Jedi Enclave.

The piece flowed, but not as well as it could have. It felt a bit ragged. What I would suggest is what the others that post here would call my favorite mantra:

Sight Edit, reread, rewrite, repeat until smooth.

Anchorhead Drive

No specific setting beyond Tatooine: A man with no memory heads for Anchorhead.

The piece was enough to set up the story, but little else. The reasoning behind the injury was well done, and the setting well portrayed.

Red Riding Hood KOTOR
Revan Sama

KOTOR, no specific scene mentioned: Another of Revan Sama's quirky fairy tales.

Remember to sight edit your work. You used mach instead of match for example. Also a league is only a mile and a half. I do fifteen miles a day five days a week, and am as old as most of the grandparents of old fairy tales.

Other than that the story is a riot with characters stepping 'out' of character like Bastila, Mission and the author arguing about the wardrobe, and then making double entendres from everything HK47 says.

Pick of the Week

Knights of the Old Republic: Jedi Masters

Post TSL: Help will come from an unsuspected source

You shifted from past to present tense a couple of times. You also have one problem I share; you were letting the story flow faster than your hands could type it, not finishing sentences. Remember to sight edit your work, you used an incorrect word here and there. While you say the Exile got the answer to the Navigation riddle, I didn't see it.

The piece has a good feel to it, and most of the problem with flow happened because of the problems mentioned above.

Extensive Medical Training

TSL on Onderon: Mical must diagnose and treat a very delicate condition...

The piece in up to CB's usual standards, and was a fun read. I for one don't like Mical (Sorry, CB) primarily because he would have made me want to hit him when I was younger. The circumlocutions you used to get the problem across were so much fun I spent half an hour considering them fully.

Well done

Pick of the Week

The Return
Lady Revan

Five years post TSL: Revan finally returns to Telos

The piece flowed well, though it could do with polishing. It was far too short to be anything but an introduction or epilogue, but what was there was well wrought.

Pick of the Week

Knights of the Old Republic II: Mira's vision
Clint Dunshee

Post TSL: Mira has a disturbing vision of the future

I am sure I have read this before, but can't find the listing in my own copy of my reviews. It was fun to read, though the idea the Force would throw up a vision 4,000 years too early was confusing. It reminds me of a short story someone wrote in creative writing when I was still in high school; a witch warning Columbus that his ship will strike an iceberg and sink, so he changes the name from Titanic to Santa Maria...


Spontaneous Propogation

Pre-Mandalorian Wars on Telos: The first meeting between Carth and Morgana

The piece is a microcosm of GG's work, and a precious one at that. The idea that the Force might have pushed them together was in there, from finding the one man who got past the test; and every woman I have ever met has them, to the baby linking to her to assure his own survival.

Well wrought, and poignant, worth a read.

Pick of the Week

Trust Me

KOTOR on Taris: A Darkside Revan Betrays the Beks

The author asks in the teaser if you have ever played the Dark side from the start. I never have, though I remember the option to betray the Beks rather than assist them. Oddly enough, every time I have played, I have pretended I was the character, and did what I felt would be right. Doing it in that manner, I have always succeeded in the quests without effort.

But seeing it from the dark side was fun in a horrible way.

Pick of the Week


Pre-Mandalorian Wars on Taris: Juhani's early life and rescue by the Jedi

Joysweeper has graced us again and again, and this piece is no exception to the work usually done. It is sad and at times terrifying to witness a child going through these troubles. The only negative I had with it was; why didn't she recognize Revan during the game?

Pick of the Week

To Say Goodbye
The Disciple

Pre KOTOR on Dantooine: A pair of unlikely lovers say goodbye

The piece sneaks up on you. As one reviewer commented, your mind flashes through which pair of lovers they are, and the end drops a load of unsuspected emotions on you. Worth reading just for the ending.

Pick of the Week

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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