Happy Birthday, GTA.
I got you a hand-held Tesla coil. You can strap this little baby to your wrist and give anybody who trys to take you on a jolt of lighnting, just like the Sith Lords.
um..unfortunately I couldn't find a battery operated version, so you'll have to be near a wall socket when you operate it. Just don't piss anybody off yet, until your near one that you can plug into.
P.S. Maybe you should look into a really long extension cord, that might help.