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Old 08-26-2011, 10:24 PM   #1212
machievelli
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The Coruscant Entertainment Center

SW: TOR: Questions and Answers
MsFicwriter

TOR On Tython Continuation of Confessians of a Jedi Consular: As they rescue the Traandoshan, The Jedi and her master consider what might be causing the problem

In the sentence; 'I see. Well, if you're willing to come with us," he told Qyzen Fess, "we'll give you medical care back at', the closing should be 'he told Qyzen Fess,'. There was no logical reason to stick it into the center.

I have to thank the author for the kind words at the start and I went back and reread the last half dozen paragraphs. My suggestions were accepted, acted upon and improved what I did read. Not a pick of the week, but getting there.

Fanfiction.net

Me from Citadel Station
CortessaBlatt

TSL on Citadel station: The Ithorians deal with a disaster of their own.

All of the negatives except for one have been voiced by the author so:

I agree you cannot tell if there is more than one sex with the Ithorians, but something like 80% of the animals you see on Earth are the same without very careful looks; when you consider two horses, one a mare, both are usually the same size. Until a small mammal rolls over on it's back you cannot see the sexual dimorphism, I.E nipples on a female, protruding genitalia on the male. In fact additional clues are few and far between. Some mammals it's obvious; only male lions have a mane for instance just as only a male deer grows antlers. Such obvious sexual dimorphism is rare in mammals, though quite common among insects and birds.

When you have human children before puberty, the usual way to tell the difference is gender specific clothing and gender specific toys and hair lengths. Sometimes you can differentiate by attitudes, boys being more aggressive, girls more prone to cry, that kind of thing. Yet you get the sensitive boy and the 'tomboy' girls. It isn't until after puberty when a boy's voice deepens and a girl grows curves that it is visibly obvious.

I would have suggested something like the 'transfer neuter' concept used by John Ringo for the Indowy and the hermaphroditic genitalia of the Posleen in his Aldendata series.

Revan's Path
Irish08Slasher

Post KOTOR: The hidden Sith plot to kill both Bastila and Revan

The piece is a bit confusing in that your Sith have taken a more nihilistic turn than normal. The characters need more fleshing out.

Realpolitik
ElenaTheHun

TSL on Onderon: An interesting look at the relationship between Kavar and Talia

The author creates a relationship of support only for their own ends. Neither character has any redeeming values.

Salvation
Verbal76

Post ROTS: A slave remembers his past

The piece is confusing since the alien described was bred and trained to hunt and kill Jedi, yet few would have remained at this time. Also using such an assassin as a mere training item also does not make sense; sort of like using a tank as your town car for shopping.

One Chance for Life
Rattlin666666

KOTOR on Endar Spire: With the addition of another character, the story begins

Remember conversation breaks. The addition of the second character, especially with the irreverent attitude of Coran makes this part interesting.

Technical notes:

First there is a reason the shaking wakes Revan in the game; picture sleeping in your bed when suddenly the entire building shakes. You wake up because houses are not supposed to shake, so it is abnormal. In a space ship with any form of gravity control, having the ship shake would be just as alarming, because your gravity controls remove such things except when it is overloaded momentarily as when the ship is hit by weapon's fire. Unless the Endar Spire was in orbit, there is not way the Sith could have boarded quietly, but even then there would have been alarms, and from personal experience the battle stations alarm would jerk even the soundest sleeper from their beds.

Second, try to avoid game related tags (Cryo grenade for instance) because it distracts from the story flow. The problem I have with the game, both video and RPG is that those who wrote them were raised on games such as D&D and are merely trying to create a technical equivalent of the spells of those game. So you have staged grenades still the same size, or mines, also staged, and grenades with specialty attacks. I argued with one person who using the game has a Star Destroyer practically indestructible because of it's armor and explained how a fighter can damage it by making a fighter cannon more powerful than a tank gun.

Mending Mistakes
Ilea Drake

Pre TSL after the Exile's trial: Kavar and Corsela say good bye

The story is good, but I had a problem with the description of the void and what could happen. It would make sense that it would hurt others if she had access to the Force, but why would be a danger only then? Considering that the force is supposed to be all pervasive, this is like leaving a full can of herbicide standing open on the lawn because it won't kill the gras until you pick it up. It would be more logical to kill her rather than take the chance that she infect everyone who is remotely force sensitive. It would have been equally logical to keep her in custody, explain what is happening and enlist her aid; after all she was willing to go back to war if it meant stopping Revan's rampage. The Council's decision was a larger mistake than she had made.

kotorfanmedia

Gizka Chaos
Crystal001

KOTOR, no specific planet given: The Ebon crew is harassed by... a Gizka?

Placing it time wise was difficult because of things out of sequence; Saul being alive, but Sarin (Revan) already knowing the secret of her identity. I especially enjoyed the idea that Sasha appears to be an accepted member of the team, as she was in my own novel length work.

The piece is a Bugs Bunny cartoon with the Gizka playing Bugs, and each of the crew playing any of that rascal's victims, though taking pictures of Mission in shower is a more adult scene. The end is fun, and everything between first seeing it and that end just too funny for words.

Pick of the Week

Storm Sword
Monarch Rat

Just before KOTOR aboard Endar Spire: One of Bastila's Jedi spends time with the crew

The piece is an interesting slice of life for the typical crew on what will soon be an atypical day. The main character has a great deal of background, but some things (Being a good warrior at age 2) is confusing unless he is not human, which is never quantified.

Escapees
JoySweeper

It was interesting making the Jedi Temple on Alderaan almost a knock-off of a Parochial school. Having the kids willing to brave the darkness only with a buddy was cute. Showing different Force abilities and how they could go wrong (The boy's rock, the door satisfied that it is doing it's job and finding the door code by feeling where others had punched numbers) along with the childish dialogue was very fun. It is a pity the author didn't expand of the festival.

Pick of the Week

Heroes of the Republic: The Post-event Interview
Jae Onasi

Originally reviewed 17 February 2007 at Coruscant Entertainment Center. That review below:

I just hate post game interviews. They’re almost as bad as the talking heads who have to explain what the president said. But the piece is funny, and the style typical TV commentator.

Reprise Pick of the Week

New Rays of Life
Kiraboros

Originally reviewed 17 February 2007 at Coruscant Entertainment Center where the author posts as JediMaster12. That review below:

Set After KOTOR: Carth comes home in an emergency to find something unexpected.

What can I say, JM12’s work is always nice to see, and fun to read. Well done.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Once the Seed is Planted
Riajaynis

Beginning 16 years before KOTOR: The seed of Evil is planted long ago. Can Revan assure it does not grow?

The piece uses one of the secondary characters from Korriban, a character I merely consigned to failure in my own work. Having them work together in the final confrontation is what the game suggested, but the backstory removes Mekel from the mere 'Sith tough' category and into the 'I can be redeemed ' one. A very well done work.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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