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Old 10-06-2011, 07:18 PM   #2
MsFicwriter
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 411
Current Game: Arcanum
Roleplayer 
This is an intriguing tale from the very start, although the grammar and punctuation are a little rough. For example, words like "craftsmanship" are one word, and it's helpful to put an ending mark after someone says Jebord's name. ["Jebord," said Master Hudson]. Also, even though your "Master Hanhar" has one R on the end of his name instead of two, I chuckled at the mental image of that psychotic Wookiee in a Jedi Master robe. Please keep writing, because I definitely want to know more about the attack on Bothawui--and the dream.
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