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Old 10-15-2011, 09:33 PM   #1219
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Join Date: Jul 2005
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The Coruscant Entertainment Center

SW: TOR: Dark Descent

Continuation of TOR fic: The team finds the contamination source, which only begins yet another mystery.

The piece is flowing well and your use of their own 'hive scent' an excellent way around the problem. In reality there are tiny spiders that use the same system, capturing an ant from a nest and using the victim's own scent glands to make it match the nest so it can live in the nest and prey upon them safely. The reversal of having the queen do something to save her nest is an interesting difference; it implies that like bees this species has a Royal Jelly equivalent.

Having the Padawan failing to tell them something specific, the toxicity of the water as well as the air was well done, and her explanation as to how she knew, and why she did not reveal it also well done. It's like the scene in Willow where the great magician is asking which finger holds the power, and Willow was sure it was his own finger, but didn't think it was the right answer.

Now we have yet another mystery. Is this holocron the equivalent of the old Mission Impossible self destructing tapes? Was it left centuries earlier, and now only recently uncovered? Or is there a traitor in their midst?

Two things; I thought Yun was the main character's master. If so, why is she being left behind? Second, don't you think the treatment of Tamara a bit harsh?

It's flowing well and I for one am enjoying the ride. Keep it up.

Pick of the Week


After the Star Forge
Venga Fett

Post KOTOR: As the victors celebrate, Revan has nightmares not only from her past, but from what had happened at her behest.

Splitting the scenes between her own memories and events she did not witness was a good ploy. I wish I could read it all.

The Jedi Princess: Prologue

KOTOR on Kashyyk: The standard dig used on Bastila cuts a little deeper than anyone thinks

The flow is really good though the fight scene left a bit to be desired. The interplay between Bastila and Canderous sounded more like one between Carth and her instead.

The True Trials
Knight Pepper

Several years before the Mandalorian Wars: Padawan Kavar takes his first step toward the trials.

The piece covers some of the secondary characters in an interesting manner; young Padawans ready to become knights. Kavar's embarrassment is understandable.

I have to agree with Knight of the Word's comment that young Female Jedi should not be acting as flighty as a stereotypical gaggle of girls, but it was a fun scene.

The Paths Less Travelled

Post TSL: Just a normal day on patrol

This covers an unspecified time; I listed it as post TSL because the categories it is linked to sets it then. If you did the Yavin side quest in KOTOR, you recognize Suvam Tam who was the sole occupant of the Yavin IV station.

The troopers left aboard the ship are the stereotypical secondary subjects who feel left out, and their gathering information is perfect for the piece, having been one of those who stood on the sidelines.

An Unlikely Helper
During the Jedi Civil War: A young Jedi must report to Dantooine

Not much happens in this segment beyond the order to report. Placement is due to Revan and the Exile being named by Kavar and Atris. It was interesting and worth looking at.

Sunup, Sundown
Mr. Bojangles

KOTOR on Taris: A different take on the start...

The piece has a lot of fun to it, the interplay between Carth and Revan is different and a lot more fun that the version the game gives us. The author had a lot of teasing fun with the discussion between Carth and Kari as the sequence begins.

In The Moonlight
Violent Flames

Post KOTOR: There is a special mission for Bastila, and Revan already knows what it is...

An interesting look at the relationship after the Star Forge. The idea that Revan already knows what she faces is even more fun.

Of Swoops and Rescues
Red Ace

KOTOR on Taris:How do you deal with a wounded man?

Hilarious! Changing the typical Carth/Revan pairing into an odd couple of sorts was just the start. Now you have a wounded Republic trooper! Whatever will they do?

Pick of the Week

The Awakening

TSL On Peragus: The beginning

Basically a generic retelling of the story with little or no background. Your characters have no depth, the scene just rooms with no defining color or shape.


TSL: Sion reflects on the link he has to the Exile

The piece has the feel of an old wound being picked at yet again. The thought is of only one thing, ending the bond between them, and expecting that the Exile feels it and relishes that end too.

KotOR Marisu Saves The Day

KOTOR on Endar Spire: The beginning with a twist.

For those who don't know the term Mary Sue is literal slang for a character in a series that outperforms all of the established characters and always knows more than they do. If you have read my Dxun memories, I was accused of creating one when my Exile lectures Revan (Who I had decided was a naval genius) on ground tactics. I didn't know what I expected with this title, and I would have been wrong to just say a 'Mary Sue'.

The character fits the name and characterization, coming across as a mixture of Lara Croft and a Valley girl. Upset because Trask is too busy gaping at her rather than moving the story along; killing a number of Sith with only one shot, and saving the female Jedi is only the start. I didn't have time to read the other segments but with this as a start, you have some fun time ahead! I especially enjoyed Bastila becoming Bitchila.

Pick of the Week

Total Chaos
Darth Franky

KOTOR AU aboard Endar Spire: Everyone needs one person they loathe completely...

The new character is the perfect foil for Bastila, embodying all of her opposites. Getting past 'Scruffy' (Carth) by using reverse logic worked for me.

Pick of the Week.

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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