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Old 01-21-2012, 09:38 AM   #1246
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The Coruscant Entertainment Center

SW: TOR: Trials of a Sith Thrall: Breaking Point

Set in TOR: Part three continuation of the Author's work: the main character uses her links to others to maintain her sanity, but even that might be a fragile hope

The piece is an follow on. Her own view in her mind, that it is just a series of destruction tests, and that their tormentors will merely state they were unworthy no matter how many they faced was cogent. Her reaction to her own thoughts, that Vadym should kill the Sith who is setting up the torments makes her pause in her mind, as a thought you know is evil or wicked would.

Pick of the Week

To Be a Jedi Promised Flower

After KOTOR: An young adult hopeful asks for Jedi training

The piece has several chapters, and I didn't have time this week to read more than the first. The title in the chapter pull down amused me enough that I wish it wasn't the case.

That title, 'Go bother a Krayt Dragon' amused me on two levels; first thinking of the famous W.C. Fields line; 'Go way my boy ya bother me', then as if the person had read my Return from Exile when my Exile is explaining how Jedi are chosen then suggests a sarcastic advertisement; ‘People wanted with special abilities to manipulate the world. Requirements, Midichlorian level 4,000 or more. Age, no older than seven. Intensive training required.

Prerequisites; few. pay non existent, hours long, danger great. Apply at 2151 Jedi drive, Coruscant’.

So yes, I think this is worth reading further.

Pick of the Week

Something's Up

TSL on Nar Shaddaa; Finding out about Atton's past all because of a bet...

Remember to sight edit; In the paragraph that begins; "Maybe you could be my cousin from off planet…" you forgot a conversation break. No biggie, but noticed. Later in the line 'In a corner of her mind' you forgot to finish the sentence, making us wonder what emotion Atton was showing.

Technical note: You made the same mistake that George Lucas did in the first movie, the one place where anyone who knows science groans. A parsec is a unit of distance, not time. So saying 'I made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs' means you didn't do it fast, but that the distance you traveled in doing so was less than anyone else. It's like a race car driver saying 'I drove the Indy 500 in less than 500 miles'.

The piece was interesting in having Atton expecting the Exile to play an only partially spoiled little rich girl to his smooth talking swindler. Using her skills to read the players so he can win, then turning around and giving up the winnings for information, with her acting now as a Jedi lie detector. Her complaint that they didn't learn anything new doesn't fit a good general; all intelligence officers know there is either good data or bad data, or data that confirms which is which.

His going from the role to punching her, then to being willing to talk makes him come across as she accused; a psychopath. In my own work I was more confrontational, not taking no for an answer at this point.

Betrayal of the Sith
Slashing StarScream

Post KOTOR: Revan sends his apprentice to examine a clone army. But more is happening...

The piece is too reminiscent of scenes from The Clone Wars and Revenge of the Sith. Having the primary ship turn into a giant robot ala transformers was a bit too much. However having your men slaughtering Sith everywhere was a nice touch. Possibly explaining why the Republic was able to come back after the Jedi Civil War.

Technical note; As the old saying goes, There is nothing new under the sun. The only thing is that if someone had tried a clone army once before, there would be records of that fact. Obi Wan would have been able to discover this after being told that the Kamino are cloners by merely checking the Jedi Archives.

The Struggle Toadal Faith

No specific era given: On Dantooine a young Jedi makes the supreme sacrifice

The piece was well wrought, the conflict clear and the outcome in doubt only because as the author points out, everyone had both light and dark within them. We never even learn the hero’s name or sex, only that the person used everything of themself to win.

Pick of the Week

The Dark Side Story
Toadal Faith

No specific era given: A new Sith hopeful begins his training.

The piece is pretty good but you have the character learning too fast; it is like in the original Star Wars having Luke go from just the average farm boy to fighter pilot with no time in between. It works in a movie, because days or weeks can pass in a few minutes, but in a story there is usually something that shows time is passing. Your character goes from 'here's what you have to learn' (that does take all night) but the next 'days' lesson is skills quite beyond that.


Ebon Hawk En route to Tatooine: How hard is it to say?

The piece is a cute bit of fluff that makes the relationship between the pair a little clearer. A fun read.

Pick of the Week


Bastila's Lesson

KOTOR on Rakatan Homeworld: Bastila's fall is complete.

Remember to do a sight edit. During the segment when Revan is planning to go against authority, you forgot conversation breaks.

The piece reminds me of my own KOTOR novel. When Bastila confronts my version of Revan, she lambasts the woman because it was the link that was dragging her down when she was being tortured, as that same link here is making Malak an old friend rather than just a Jedi she had known only in passing before. The start with the constant changing scenes is reminiscent of the treatment in the Lubyanka prison where the light stay on all the time, meals are served in a bewildering sequence of back to back then long periods in between, noises are piped in to make you wonder what time it is or that people are moving then deathly silent. Very well done.

Pick of the Week

I've Got Your Back

Rakatan Homeworld on the beach: After slaughtering her one time allies, Revan discusses what will happen in the next battle

An interesting take; Revan not as Dark Lord, not as Jedi rising above it all, but in between. All of her fellows are dead or fled except for Canderous and the droids; yet Bastila still lives. Her reasoning is interesting; she cannot save the galaxy as Jedi, not does she wish to destroy it as Sith.

So Much for a Relaxing Vacation
Sir Boss

Pre KOTOR: A Jedi mission is interrupted by Darth Revan

The piece is cute in a sort of Poseidon Adventure way. The captain upset that a neutral is being used to transport something for the Republic Military and the Jedi; the Jedi assigned to the mission being themselves, and the poor family from Coruscant who are looking at their first real vacation being disrupted by it all. As one of the reviewers said, I hope it's a short cliff, even if I don't have time to read on.

Double Blind

Pre KOTOR: The test of Spirit

A well done way to explain the test of spirit. I was unsure if the character was the Exile and he had a relationship with Bastila before departing, or if this is another character all together.

T3-M4 Puppet Master

Post KOTOR: When Revan gets cabin Fever, it's T3 to the rescue!

The piece starts out simple, Revan just wanting to go wandering if only for a brief time. But when Carth starts throwing up things that would stop her T3 fixes the problem in an amusing way. Picturing T3 acting like a mob collection agent with Canderous as his bemused muscle, blackmailing half the station while suborning the other half makes for a funny ride. The ending and T3's revenge on HK is a riot.

Pick of the Week

Lot of Bit

Post KOTOR: Pillow talk before Revan leaves

The piece is short, and no earthshaking events occur, but you have a feeling of finality even before the next dawn

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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