Coruscant Entertainment Center
SW-TOR: Thoughts of a Padawan....(short)
TOR: Dealing with 'children' as war looms
The piece reminds me of my own youth. My brothers loathed me because a lot of times I ended up being the 'babysitter', and I was, I will admit, a hard taskmaster; though not as hard as they might have thought. I spent five years showing up for the occasional holiday proving to them that I was still bigger, meaner, and faster than them, and my youngest, my late brother Duane never accepted that right up to his death. The last time I saw him alive (He was then 19) the first thing he did was throw a punch at me, which ended up with him flipped, on his back, and his arm in a painful bind.
Not the best memory; I spoke to him years later while he was in a Navy Psych ward, and the first words I spoke were what they say you never say to someone in those conditions; 'are you out of your effing mind?' Sadly his mind had fled, a casualty of the Gulf War, and when next I saw him, it was in his coffin. He was finally at peace, but like the damn fool thinking he can win just from sheer chutzpah in this story, I mourn his loss.
SW: TOR: TRIALS OF A SITH THRALL: HONOR-BORN
Chapter 9 in the epic: The end?
I have been hanging by a thread since the 1st chapter of it's predecessor, and I have only one thing to say:
Pick of this week, and unless someone else ties, Best of the Week!
KOTOR No specific Planet given: Revan finally makes a decision about Carth
The piece is a generic work first work, but it is the author's first attempt, so it isn't that bad. The biggest problem is that the author center spaced it all, which gives it an uneven feel. This I have noticed, might be a problem with the IE 9 browser, since it is doing it on every posting for this site.
Mos Eisley Civil War
Lizard King 13
Based on the Battlefront II Hunt mode: An unlikely pair of enemies fight over Mos Eisley
The piece is confusing, the battle ill defined. The fight itself makes no sense, with the command structure very confusing.
Letters from the Selonian Conflict
Three Years Pre-Mandalorian Wars: All is not Well in the Corellian system
While there is a war going on, you would never tell it from the chatty (And a couple not so chatty) letters from four friends
KOTOR Aboard the Endar Spire: The beginning
The piece relied too heavily on the game to move the action along, though the first scene was choice.
A Second Chance
KOTOR in orbit of Taris: When they discover Revan is still alive, two men see things in a different light...
The piece goes behind the scenes when Calo Nord delivers the message. The take on their reactions was interesting at least for Karath. Malak of course feels on shaky ground, and must kill her, this time personally to stabilize his hold.
Karath, however, see it as a chance to fix the one problem the Sith have at the moment, namely removing Malak.
Speed Of The Blade
Post TSL: A Jedi begins a search...
The piece is too short to get a good read on it. The scene with the security officer reads false because after all this is Nar Shaddaa, and the one thing you do not see there is police of any stripe. Second, considering how many criminal deals are being made in a given day a cop would be too busy to question someone who is to all intents and purposes, just sitting there.
Pre TSL: A young Mando'a decides to earn back his heritage
Some word usage problems, though when you meant tough, that kind of thing. But for someone who wasn't raised On English, this is very good.
Your description of your young warrior's first battle reminded me a bit of a scene of my own in my return from Exile where I had Davrel (the young warrior the game kills off) panicked during the attack on the Dxun compound. One of those I wish I could read all three chapters.
Welcome to the forum.
TSL on Dantooine: Two businessmen have a disagreement
The piece is a mere slice of life, but it was a lot of fun. The one partner trying to stiff the other is standard stock in trade, and his reaction to that betrayal again was stock. But the Jedi breaking up the fight by throwing both men to opposite sides of the room, and the bartender's reply was good.
Behind Enemy Lines
Mandalorian War era:
The piece was confusing even before the two pilots crashed. A battle in space covers a vast distance, and would hardly be unnoticed until you were in the furball. In real life some officer or pilot would be telling the smugglers to get their expletive deleted tin can out of the way, and that would go for both Republic and Mandalorian crewmen. After all, whoever shot him down would have to explain why the equivalent of a passenger plane was more important than the enemy fighters you're facing.
While Visquis was a big wheel in the Exchange in TSL, this is taking place a minimum of ten years earlier. Having Carth know his name would be like the average grunt in 1988 knowing who Osama Bin Ladon was then, merely one of the 30,000 'foreign volunteers' that assisted the Afghanis, not the head man of Al Quaida he was in 1995.
The capture was unrealistic. Sure the lookout could have fallen asleep, but to have them just wake up in the cages doesn't work. Also, the controls for such a unit would not be close enough to shut down from the inside because if you're not watching them, you know the prisoners will attempt to escape.
Yet the interplay between Carth and Carter was good. The new character was believable, and using him to play off Carth worked well. Carter's discussion with the Mandalorian was also good, because in real life, the interrogators again, do not have time to waste on someone who does not have necessary information.
Technical note: Both the Aurek and E Wing are modern era fighters of the EU. This reads to me like 'Baron Manfred Von Richthofen saluted his ground crew, climbing into his MiG 29, ready to fly against Captain Eddie Rickenbacker, who he knew would be flying an F-15 Eagle'.
You have your fighters firing missiles at a range of ten meters, which would put your plane inside the range safety limit. This is designed into every missile, torpedo etc since the 60s to avoid accidentally shooting yourself down when the missile explodes at that range. The weapon would launch, but would only impact the target rather than exploding.
Beyond Light Or Darkness
KOTOR Aboard Star Forge: Revan offers one last chance of redemption.
The piece as others have said, is powerful. Revan goes into this, her final battle, not only willing to die, but wanting to. Yet she cannot merely give him the victory, and in the end, when he has defeated her, Malak lets her go and dies.
Pick of the Week, tie for Best of the Week
KOTOR Two days after the Leviathan: Canderous offers his arms for the newly revealed Revan to hold onto
Like everything Shadow Rise has written, this cuts to the quick, and makes you pay attention as the story unfolds. You can see Canderous literally offering himself as a sacrifice to keep her mind and body together. The characters are clearly defined, the situation (For someone who know the military) perfectly set. Canderous is not the love interest; he merely assumes he can ground Revan. A pity, since Revan/Canderous link ups are so rare.
Pick of The Week