View Single Post
Old 03-03-2012, 11:26 AM   #3
Sylthar's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 78
Hm. I would say this seems somewhat rushed, plus I personally feel it lacks in terms of... flesh. It is basically only dialogue with a few extra "scenes" put in. It feels more like a movie script than an actual story. Also you merge present tense with past tense, causing it to be somewhat confusing (to me anyway). You don't really describe the smuggler nor the wookie, which seems odd if they're going to play a large role in the story. Okay and one last thing, what exactly is the time period for this? I would think it is sometime after Darth Krayt's Sith Empire, due to the fact that the Republic held strong after the First Jedi Purge (until Palpatine rose to power)...
Sylthar is offline   you may: quote & reply,