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Old 03-03-2012, 07:53 PM   #3
Sylthar's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 78
Originally Posted by MsFicwriter View Post
I couldn't help but keep playing Katy Perry's "E.T." on YouTube while reading this story! (LOL) Your characters seem absolutely real to me, instead of "cardboard cutout" Jedi who have no real purpose in the story except to advance the plot. That might not make a lot of sense, but have you ever read a story in which one of the major characters died, and you really didn't care (or only slightly cared)? That's because the character was not well-developed, of the "cutout" variety.
I have never heard that song, but now I'm gonna have to go listen to it. :P Well later you will notice that Vexus' training was a bit unorthodox, even for this era. He tries to abide by the Jedi Code, but he does realize he has emotions and he gets caught up in the moment quite often.

Originally Posted by MsFicwriter
Word usage: "The Cold War has taken its toll," without the apostrophe, would be more correct here. Also, using "kneeled" as the past tense of "kneel" is okay, but I use "knelt" far more often. For me, "knelt" adds a touch of medieval elegance to a space opera based on knights in armor (and lots of futuristic swordplay!)
Ah. I typed it up here on LucasForums rather than on Word as opposed to everything else. Heh. I should fix that. I tried to use knelt but my Microsoft Word is kinda ancient (but works fine for my purpose) and it told me that knelt isn't a word, so I changed it.

Originally Posted by MsFicwriter
Your greatest talent here is building up tension between Vexus and Kale. Meaningful dialogue seems to be your strength. More power to you, sir--because Star Wars stories (which are mainly based on action) need more of it, IMHO!

My score: 8/10
Thank you, and I quite agree with you. ^_^
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