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Old 04-07-2012, 12:27 AM   #1263
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Squadron Legacy, Chapter 9

Mandalorian War era: Chapter 9 of an ongoing work,

The chase scene was good, but remember this is between two different groups that usually do not have a common language. Picture for a moment a British pilot evading German troops during WWII, or an American pilot fleeing the Viet Cong. It would help to use the Mando'a language for this scene.

Technical note: Your Mandalorian scout was acting like a rookie and rookies are never sent out alone scouting. Primarily because the burning fighter would have ignited under brush, or if on wet soil near a lake should have steam rising from it, easily visible. There are few surfaces where there would not be some debris that would burn.

Welcome back.

SW: TOR: Reckoning of a Lost Soul: The Plan

Set in TOR on Coruscant: Our hero gets her instructions, but they suggest her target may have returned to the Jedi fold

Technical Note: We can not be sure that cloning was possible 3700 years pre ANH, so mentioning it struck me as odd. Look at it using this meter:

'Ashirai, agent of Sumeria is sent outside the empire to meet an agent. He arrives in Thebes, where he meets his contact. They are bound for the Phoenician delegation where he must be examined by their doctors. “But don't worry.” The agent tells him. “They won't x-ray you.”'

Second, a physical change might not be enough. Jedi sense on too many levels; the way a person moves is a clear indicator of skills to a discerning eye, and there are other indicators that would be just as clear. Consider Sherlock Holmes, who upon meeting Watson for the first time informed the man that he knew Watson had been stationed in Afghanistan, then went through physical indicators that were minor, but told him all of the facts.

The piece is going well, and the added twist that now suddenly the Jedi no longer trust their mole makes for an excellent plot twist.

Pick of the Week


T'was the night of diembodiment

KOTOR inside the Mind Prison: A poem based on KOTOR and T'was the Night Before Christmas...

As you all know, I rarely read poetry because I don't think myself an adequate judge of how good they might be. But I had done a knock off of T'was for another site, and decided that gave me at least a glimpse of how this one should work out, so I gave it a go, for once.

Except for one line, I quite liked it. That line was:

“We’ll stay here and talk, see how time flies,
Meanwhile, your body grows old and (it)dies.”

Everybody Stand Back

Mandalorian War Era aboard Karath's flagship: It helps to know your resources...

The piece is a one shot by the author's admission, but it shows someone other than a Jedi strutting their stuff, and I liked it. The techniques shown would work very well, and the explanation of what is done was simple enough that you can understand the methods used, even if you don't know how to use them. The comment about converting holodata into plain text was a stroke of brilliance, since it reduces the terabytes of data that have to be scanned down to mere gigabytes.

Pick of the Week

Love, Ass & Arbitration
Triple E

KOTOR Aboard Ebon Hawk after Korriban: If it's not one thing...

Triple E has struck again, and this time I laughed out loud every other paragraph! The only thing I had problems with was a spacecraft using something as archaic as a standard washing machine, but having it short out the heating system forcing everyone into the cargo bay to maintain warmth was just the beginning.

I won't go into all of the problems, though having Carth see a piece of lingerie and be sure he had seen it worn (He had) but not remembered who until he sees her in the flesh was funny. My favorite line is where Mission is berating Canderous; "Here, read my lips!" The Twi'lek gestured, making exaggerated mouth movements. "You Can't Bypass the primary coil buffer through the auxiliary power cycler! It'll just overload and we'll have to start over, again!"

Pick of the Week

There Is No Harmony, There is Chaos

When They were children: And you think a Jedi child would be better behaved...

The piece is funny when you consider the ages. You see the younglings acting responsibly, yet think of any group of eight and nine year olds and the story works perfectly/

Precipice: Chapter 1

9 years post KOTOR: Bastila traces Reven through spacecraft on her passage

The piece is intriguing because of the time and situation. Carth has remarried, Bastila now master Shan in search of Revan using both her bond and good intelligence work to find her. As a reviewer said, the plot thickens...


The End of the Mandalorian War to KOTOR: A look into Uthar's past

The piece is interesting; as one reviewer said, it surprises you a bit that Uthar was once a Jedi serving under Revan.

An Unlikely Hero

KOTOR aboard Endar Spire: An unlikely hero indeed

Plutospawn has created something I rarely see; a hero more worried about her butt than anything else.

Impressive for a Padawan

PreKOTOR Aboard Revan's flagship:

Remember to sight edit; it's close knit, not nit, which is a louse egg.

I read everything posted to date because the first chapter was merely a generic capture. The second chapter was actually better, with an explanation of what Revan's condition was before the new persona was implaneted.

Not Yet
Jiara Anatalis

Pre KOTOR on Kashyyk: Revan meets Jolee while searching for the Star Map

The piece was up to Jiara's usual high standards, but it ended in a manner that was unsatisfying, as if someone offered you Prime Rib and served hamburgers instead.

Tara Saralonde

eighteen years Post TSL: The daughter of Revan and Bastila Shan meest someone who will be very important in the future...

One thing I hate as a critic is that when I hit the really good stuff, I don't have time to come back and read all of it. I felt that again today (Right before I finished this column) with this very story. But, luckily in one way, there were only two chapters, so I read it all.

One interchanged struck me as outrageously funny:

'He sighed longingly with a faraway look in his eyes. "Those were the days…"

Elan grinned. "That was last week, Brylan."

As a reader I loathe having it stop too soon. Unluckily, there were only two chapters. The piece is excellent but I am frustrated by it's brevity. I wanted more!

Pick of the Week

Tides Change

Five years Post TSL in the Unknown Regions: With her task done, Revan goes home to the one she loves.

A note primarily on societies: I cannot see the Mandalorians turning away force users, or expecting women to stay home and punch out kids. Societies where the martial spirit is prized usually do not treat their women so. Among the Spartans for example you chose your wife because of her spirit and strength. Women trained with weapons as men did, they just were not considered part of the army. They were the defenders of their homes. It was said the Spartan city had no wall, and if anyone were to attack them, they would have been facing the women. Think about it in regard to Kipling...

Among the Samurai, the women were considered Onnabushi: Literally women warriors, and trained not with the paired swords of the men; rather they trained with the Wakasashi (Short) sword and the Naginata. If a samurai woman felt she had to give her life through seppuku, she had her own ritual for it. While men disemboweled themselves before their second beheaded them, the women would use the short sword to slit their own throats before they were beheaded.

The Zulus went so far as to deploy entire units of women warriors.

As for force usage, I think it is only the fact that the Jedi teach non-violence that would be a problem for a warrior society. By the same token the Sith 'be in charge and destroy any who oppose you no matter how you do it' would not sit well with a warrior society. Victory yes, but grinding your enemy's face into the ground, no.

Actually I can picture a third middle of the road training for any Mandalorian force users; What some have called the gray path.

The piece didn't surprise me as much as the author might have thought. I had worked out who awaited her return before I saw it, but the homecoming was worth the wait.

Pick of the Week

] Carapace

Y St. Ace

KOTOR on Tatooine: As she works with the armor, she considers who last wore it...

The piece was interesting because I don't remember any Genoharadan armor, unless it was that worn by Davik Kang. But the idea that the armor traps the essence of those who wore it is chilling.

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile

Last edited by machievelli; 04-13-2012 at 08:27 PM.
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