What advice would you give a questioning Jedi?
For those of you who haven't seen me in a long time, I'm a big KOTOR nut and fanfic writer who comes to these boards from time to time. Currently playing through as a LS Shadow for this game.
Anyway, I'm writing some SW fanfic, and I could use the perspective of other fans for this.
Currently, I have a Jedi character who's struggling with the Force and the Order. She's good with a lightsaber, better with powers (a Consular), but the more she's out in the universe, the more isolated and lonely she's feeling. All around her, she sees families, people with close friendships, lovers, marriages...attachment. You know, that horrible, horrible thing Jedi are never supposed to have?
Well, it's gnawing on her. She finds herself wondering what it would be like to throw the lightsaber away and live in peaceful obscurity. She wonders would it would be like to become a mother. She's craving those close ties, and a life where the fate of the galaxy isn't on her shoulders all the damn time. She's starting to resent the Force itself for her situation, and it's limiting her ability to use it.
She doesn't want to go Sith; she loves the Republic's ideals too much. She just doesn't know what to do with her feelings, and the Code is sounding hollow. At the same time, she knows that her position could do the Republic a lot of good, and enable her to help others. She also knows that she has obligation and duties to perform, and doesn't want to betray the Order in its hours of need.
So, what advice would anyone have for a Jedi wondering if it's worth it?