View Single Post
Old 07-04-2012, 03:26 PM   #183
CptPriceless
Junior Member
 
CptPriceless's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: California
Posts: 350
Current Game: TSL
Lightbulb

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trex View Post
I'm putting together the updated version of the opening movie and need someone to proof read my opening crawl.
The concept is nice, but it's way too long for a Star Wars opening sequence - mostly due to unnecessary addons and somewhat awkward syntax. Since each "paragraph" is commonly 1-2 sentences long, I took the liberty to help you cut. Hope this helps!

Show spoiler


Show spoiler


You don't necessarily have to use these changes/cuts, but this is just my personal imput.



Last edited by CptPriceless; 07-04-2012 at 11:18 PM.
CptPriceless is online now   you may: quote & reply,