07-09-2012, 07:16 AM
Join Date: Dec 2006
I like the captain's rework enough too, but there's a few parts I'm not as keen on, mainly because they aren't acurate with the content in the mod (you weren't to know of course, you haven't played it
Originally Posted by CptPriceless
The Republic is broken. Following the aggressions of the Sith Triumvirate [I took triumvirate out of the original because I felt not enough Kotor fans would know what it meant. I think just refering to Nihilus works, if nothing else he was the one that most civilians will be aware of]
, many officials [saying officials sounds a bit weird to me. I think I prefer citizens. It emphasises that it's their choice, not the higher ups]
have seceded from the government, turning to droids, crime lords, assassins and other such means for leadership [what other such means? Don't understand why this little bit was added]
The once revered Jedi, now outlawed, are powerless to assist. A lone scientist searches for legendary general, Revan, whose return could restore order to the galaxy [I meant the Jedi order . Also not too keen on the idea of Revan restoring order. Sounds more lie something palpatine would want to do]
Meanwhile, on the edge of the galaxy, the darkest power of the Force lingers. Soon, it will return and remind the galaxy of the true power of the Dark Side...[think it's just personal preference, but I don't like the word power turning up twice there]
So, following on from all that, here's what could be the final crawl that I'm very happy with :
The Republic is broken. Following the attack of Darth Nihilus, many citizens have seceded from the government, turning to droids, crime lords and assassins for leadership.
The Jedi now outlawed, a lone scientist searches for their legendary general, Revan, whose return could restore the ancient order.
Meanwhile, on the edge of the galaxy, the darkest power ever created by the Force lingers. Soon, it will return and remind the galaxy what the dark side truly is...
KNIGHTS OF THE OLD REPUBLIC : THE JEDI MASTERS
PLAY THE TOTAL CONVERSION MOD NOW! . | If you're interested, my almighty fanfic can be read here.
quote & reply,