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Old 12-09-2012, 10:46 AM   #1313
machievelli
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Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic: Rising Destiny
Ferc Kast

Post TSL: A team on a mission faces and unsuspected threat.

The piece is well written, and the only problems I have are technical.

Technical, Chiss: The Chiss were first contacted in the book Outbound Flight, where an old Republic attempt to depart the Galaxy ran into the race. However that is about 3,980 years in the future of the timeline. This would be like Jason and the Argonauts looking for the Golden Fleece, and facing off against the KGB when they find it.

Don't be too upset by this; when they created the game Jedi Academy II, they used Noghri as an enemy Jaden Korr faced, Yet according to the Expanded Universe, the Noghri only served Vader, and later his daughter Leia Organa, and Luke Skywalker, his son.

Technical, Ship type: Again you've used a ship that will not exist for again, almost 4000 years. To continue the analogy above, you have Jason and his men armed with bronze swords and spears boarding a Tarawa Class landing ship when they went on their voyage.

Thorüsa: Our Divine Mission/Greatest of the Fiends
MsFicwriter

Medieval fantasy tale: Chapter five of an ongoing work, Seeking along with the demons for the next victim...

The piece was well wrought, and well portrayed; the idea that the major worms who devoured the smaller ones searched for those destined for hell was a good analogy.

My main contention; that truth doesn't dissuade an inquisitor still stands. As I pointed out in The Devil is in the Details, those who become inquisitors do not care about minor things like reality to dissuade them from their purpose. As I pointed out there, a charge of witchcraft didn't worry about whether a woman was, or was not virgin could prove she was not used sexually by the devil.

For those of you who have not read it, remember the episode of the old Bewitched TV show where Samantha is sent back to Salem during the time of the witchcraft trials, and Darrin must use a magical coin to bring back her memories. When her memory returns, she uses a logical argument; that witches, with their supernatural powers cannot be bound by something simple like iron, but the judge uses logic in reverse; that her use of logic to prove them wrong instead proves their contention.

If you have read the Star Trek EU, they used the same contention in one of the first books, using a debased version of an Einsteinian thought problem; that a ship that appears at X number of light seconds distance, that then reappears as Y distance means that your original data was in error, and there are actually two ships, not one, since FTL travel is automatically impossible.

In other words; regardless of what our heroine does, I see a bleak future for her teacher.

Star Wars: Ascension of the Sith
Scorge

2000 years BBY: A Sith apprentice goes on her first mission

The basics are good, but there are a few problems.

First, since Korriban was abandoned 2,000 years earlier, why are they still using the same two millennia old Star Map as a test? Second, and it is a constant irritant to me, with hundreds of thousands of known planets, why do younger writers return to the ones mentioned in the movies? If you were to name the planet she was sent to Blatherkite, I would accept it more readily. After all; Hoth is halfway across the Republic from Korriban.

Fanfiction.net

On course
HoratiosBabyMama

Post TSL: How else can a simple return home be screwed up?

The piece is fun, though you only see three of the characters. The ending reminds me of the original Geico commercials, as it was meant to.

Star Wars: Search for the Truth
Charles Lamont

Set during TOR: A pair of Jedi are hunted by a Sith Assassin.

Improper word usages. It is bore (As in carries or wears) not bared.

Technical note; A sniper is not a weapon, except for modifications to an existing weapon, such as mounting a scope and accurizing an existing rifle to make it a sniper rifle. The term is applied to the person using it instead.

You're pushing the action and locations too rapidly. You literally go from Korriban to Nar Shaddaa in a single paragraph.

A knights tale
Sweetheartedfaerie

KOTOR from the beginning on Endar Spire: Our plucky heroine is having way too much fun here...

Improper word usage, and you have a problem I do, which is forgetting to finish sentences. It comes from letting the story flow as you write, which means it's good. But because it does flow well, your think you've completed the sentence, and only a later sight edit notices the problem. As an example of both, the sentence, 'Nope the republic and well the sith usually make so much sound (Should be noise, and should be followed by I) could hear them a mile off.' Then you used through (passing through something) instead of threw (Hurled).

Technical note, praise: You did one thing few people consider when using game mechanics, you explain the difference between a standard and a 'power' shot; and how to alter the weapon to do so. Kudos!

The author says it's the first time, and that shows. But there is a spark of real talent here. A pity I don't have time to read beyind the first section.

Pick of The Week

To Be An Echani
Twinklet26

Mandalorian Wars: A training exercise gets a little hot and heavy

Technical note, Military: The command attention means to snap to; not to salute. In standard parlance you have two separate commands, one for attention, the other 'hand, salute!'.

Technical, training: You do not usually go from the equivalent of greeting superiors to a training situation. Instead you would have two separate formations, or merely cut out the first one. Also, when training, you would have people versed in the specific moves, and would be more free form. The piece looks like a basic training exercise.

The main problem I had was simpler than that. If you play a male Exile (Or use the mods to get the Handmaiden instead of Disciple as I did, you would remember a scene where she questions how Atton knows Echani Martial Arts. If Revan had been training Republic troops in that art, she would have asked when he received that training under Revan.

The Real Han Solo and other kotor oneshots
Revan's Pet Duck

Post TSL: Like we'd want to be that...

The premise of the first oneshot is amusing, especially since none of the accused want to be. Most of RPD's stuff is amusing, and I know I'm going to wish I could have read them all.

Fighting the Past
Atrimis2124

Post TSL: The two former Jedi are finally reunited, but they need some help

The piece doesn't give us much to work with, but it is well enough done that I wanted more.

Sleeping With Ghosts
Araceli

Post KOTOR: They might not get the chance for happily ever after

The piece was well done, the Council doing everything it can to interfere with the burgeoning romance. I wish I could read on because I anticipate an explosion worthy of the old Darth Revan...

Pick of the Week

The Orgins of My OC
The Thermopage

No specific era given: The creation of a new life form

The piece wasn't long enough to really get a feel for the author's style. Pretty much all we have is the genesis of another race, but how that sole survivor fits into the SW universe is left up for grabs.

Abandoned
Saiyan Angie

Post TSL: The one left behind

The piece covers a well known subject for those who've played the game. The one left behind when the hero has to go off and save the galaxy one more time.

Trask's Savior
Guardian Zenithar

KOTOR aboard Endar Spire: The first Republic trooper we see die has his own spotlight

All we know about this person before this story is he's alone and dies as the hero and Trask enter the battle. But the author brought him to vibrant life, and in a good way. He is an efficient soldier, yet he is also the typical grunt.

When he sees the name tag on the compartment, he's irritated. It is assumed an officer knows better, and has a reason for everything he does, but it is also a fact that 'butter bars', the sarcastic appellation given to second lieutenants in Army or Marine units, and Ensigns in the navy, are only officers because they service says they are; and none have proven themselves to be worthy of being the leaders. The stories about stupid things done by butter bars in any military are legion.

His little mutinous act; locking down the outer door, is a perfect little tit for tat reaction.

Resurrecting A Fallen Appellation
Kian

KOTOR aboard Leviathan: With his belief system in ruins, Carth must deal with who he loves

The piece covers from Saul's revelation to when Carth confronts her aboard the Ebon Hawk, and is a swirl of fast action, and even deeper introspection. Like any person discovering the truth about another, Carth is trying to find signs he felt he should of recognized that would have told him sooner.

He is balancing the person he knows against the person she had once been, and even at the end, is still undecided. The author's characterization of Revan from before reminds me of all the memories recorded about General Patton; and how some of them make the man larger than life.

Very well done

Pick of the Week

Knights of the old republic, Atton
Rain

Post TSL: He can't get her out of his mind

It's rare that I review a songfic because most of them are just the song, and little else. This one used the song to paint the broad strokes of the background and his feelings, the rest, just a few lines, captures a man so deep in despair, that he's diving into a bottle head first. Adding Mission and Zaalbar from the first team helps, because there is no one except the Disciple who would spend the time trying to drag his head out of it.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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