"humble beginnings on Korriban,".... Hmm. Interesting. I haven't played much of TOR yet (I've only just started a fortnight ago) so I don't know if I may be wrong or not, but if Toryal is an Inquisitor, I wouldn't put it passed that voice to be Overseer Harkon. I hated that douche. Haha.
I'm not used to seeing Sith be all 'touchy, feely'! It's creepy! But in a good way (if 'creepy' can be interpreted in a good way :P lol)
Its a good read so far, only a few minor errors, like: 'wouldn't mind a Dantooine Omlette.' And... 'a sense of honor.' And my favorite.... 'and wouldn't kill unless he was forced to defend herself.' I'm assuming it should be himself? :P
But other than that, Chev, a nice start to a hopefully long story here! Good work!